My Abusive Relationship with UX (pt. 2)
The search continues. And so does the madness.
If you haven’t read part one, click here.
UX: You know you want me. You can pretend you don’t, but I’m willing to bet I’m keeping you up at night.
Me: Don’t flatter yourself. You can tempt me with the promise of status and benefits all you want. I don’t need you.
UX: But you still want me.
Me: I want the idea of you. The reality leaves a lot to be desired.
UX: That’s harsh. How so?
Me: I try to convince myself it’ll get better. But the reality is I’m always chasing — and even when I catch you, it’s just temporary. You either decide to move on arbitrarily or piss me off to the point where I leave you. And, of course, you get jealous if I mention other options I’m thinking of pursuing. I always have to keep secrets.
UX: Secrets aren’t healthy in a relationship.
Me: Tell me about it. Let’s talk about your secrets.
UX: What do you mean?
Me: Well, for starters why don’t you ever tell me why you decide to go with another candidate? Or, even worse, why you continue to search after you’ve already found me? Isn’t it only fair that I know the reason so that I can improve?
UX: No comment.
Me: Maybe I could better advocate for myself if you were more transparent from the beginning. Hell, 90 percent of the time you reject me because I don’t have the “right experience.” Why did it take five dates for you to realize this? In fact, my experience was clearly presented in a summary right on top of my —
UX: No comment.
Me: Let’s say you went with someone else who had the “right experience,” but he ended up not working out for other reasons. Would you circle back and admit you screwed up? Would you give me a second chance?
UX: No.
Me: Could you at least keep up with me to make sure I land ok?
UX: No.
Me: I’m at a loss here. Do you really expect me to keep going through your process, where there is zero accountability and zero transparency?
UX: Yes.
Me: A process where you hold all the power?
UX: Yes.
Me: Just for the sake of some temporary job that doesn’t give me —
UX: Yes.
Me: Where if I don’t succeed, I wasted six hours of my —
UX: Yes.
Me: I hate you.
UX: Thank you so much for taking the time to interview. We had so many talented applicants like yourself and regret to inform you that we won’t be moving forward with your candidacy.
While we (seemingly) care about providing delightful user experiences, we’re determined to keep the UX hiring process as cruel and unusual as possible. Feel free to apply again. Thank you!
