Why Your Child Can’t Stop Using That App (A Game Designer’s Warning)
Something mildly infuriating happened in my house last month.
I logged into my Apple email account (I rarely check it since I’m primarily an Android user) and found several emails with the subject “Your App Store Receipt.”
It turned out my 8-year-old had unknowingly subscribed to a “premium” coloring app that cost $11 per WEEK. Yes, weekly. He had no idea he’d done this; he thought he was just trying out a new feature, not signing up for a recurring payment.
I wanted to be mad at him, but honestly, how could I be? The app was designed specifically to confuse him. This is what we in game design call a “dark pattern”: an interface deliberately designed to lead users (especially children) into making choices they wouldn’t make if they clearly understood what was happening.
I admit, I felt a flash of that righteous parental anger we all get when someone takes advantage of our kids. But rather than just fuming about it, I realized this was a perfect chance to share some insider knowledge. After all, as someone who designs games for a living and has worked with major companies in the industry, I’ve seen how the sausage gets made. Sometimes it’s not pretty.
How Games Hook Young Players
Let’s be real: game developers have become incredibly sophisticated in how they design for engagement. I know because I’ve been in those meetings. Unscrupulous game designers create what they call “compulsion loops,” which are carefully calibrated systems designed to keep players coming back. While adults might have the mental tools to recognize and resist these systems (or maybe not), children simply don’t have fully developed impulse control.
When your child plays many popular games, here’s what’s actually happening in their brain:
First, they receive unpredictable rewards that trigger dopamine release. Games deliver new items, levels, or achievements on what psychologists call a “variable ratio schedule,” which is the same mechanism that makes gambling so compelling. Sometimes you get something amazing, sometimes nothing at all, and that unpredictability is powerfully motivating. It’s like a tiny slot machine disguised as a cute character giving out prizes.
Second, they experience artificial scarcity and fear of missing out. Games like Fortnite use countdown timers and limited-time offers to create a sense of urgency. “Buy this cool outfit NOW or it’s GONE FOREVER!” European regulators recently fined the company for this practice because it specifically preys on children’s vulnerability to impulse purchasing. And honestly, they deserved that fine.
Third, they’re given a false sense of achievement. Many games create the illusion of accomplishment through endless small rewards. “Congratulations! You’ve collected 500 berries!” Meanwhile, they’ve accomplished nothing of real value, but their brain thinks they’ve done something amazing.
Finally, there’s the social component. “All your friends are playing RIGHT NOW!” No child wants to feel left out when their friends are having fun without them.
I’ve implemented some of these techniques myself, and I have complicated feelings about it. When designed ethically, they can make games more fun and engaging. But there’s a line between creating enjoyable experiences and exploiting psychological vulnerabilities, especially in children. Too many games have crossed that line.
The Industry Is Facing Consequences
You know things have gotten bad when the government steps in. In December 2022, the Federal Trade Commission imposed a $520 million penalty on Epic Games, the maker of Fortnite. This wasn’t a small regulatory slap on the wrist; it was one of the largest penalties in FTC history.
The FTC found that Epic “used privacy-invasive default settings and deceptive interfaces that tricked Fortnite users, including teenagers and children” and employed digital dark patterns to charge players for “unwanted purchases.”
I was honestly relieved when I saw this ruling. Some of the practices they called out were things many of us in the industry had been uncomfortable with for years:
Storing credit cards by default, making it possible for children to make purchases with a single button press without additional verification. It’s like handing your credit card to an 8-year-old and saying “have fun!”
Placing purchase buttons extremely close to preview buttons on mobile screens, resulting in accidental charges when children were just trying to look at items. This is particularly devious on small screens where even adults struggle with precision tapping.
Creating an unnecessarily complicated refund process that prevented many parents from recovering unauthorized charges. I tried to get a refund for an accidental purchase once and nearly gave up from frustration. The process seems deliberately designed to make you throw up your hands and say “fine, keep my money.”
Enabling voice and text chat with strangers by default, exposing children to potential harm. This one particularly bothers me as a parent.
Roblox, another hugely popular platform among children, operates what essentially amounts to a virtual marketplace for digital items. Some kids are learning about artificial scarcity and speculative markets before they can even tie their shoes properly. Is that really what we want?
When government regulators step in at this scale, it signals that these practices have moved beyond ethical gray areas into territory that our society deems harmful. And I think that’s the right call.
What I’ve Seen in My Own Home
This isn’t just theoretical for me. A few years back, my son discovered Minecraft, a game I generally approve of for its creativity and straightforward monetization. I was initially pleased about this choice. Finally, a game that encourages building and creativity rather than just shooting things or collecting meaningless digital trinkets!
However, within a few days, something unexpected happened. Instead of actually playing Minecraft, he was spending hours watching YouTube videos about it. When I asked why he preferred watching to playing, his answer floored me: “The videos are more exciting than the actual game.”
I just sat there for a moment, processing what he’d said. His brain, already conditioned by the rapid rewards of more stimulating games, found the slower pace of creative play less engaging than the constant stimulation of YouTube content. He had transitioned from being a creator to being a passive consumer.
It felt like watching the exact opposite of what I’d hoped would happen. Instead of developing patience and creativity, his game experience had trained him to crave constant stimulation.
This is what keeps me up at night as both a parent and a game designer. It’s not just individual games anymore; it’s entire digital ecosystems deliberately engineered to make kids permanently dissatisfied with what they have. Always needing more content, more purchases, more screens, more everything.
And that makes me both sad and, yes, a little angry. But anger without action doesn’t help our kids. Understanding these systems and developing practical strategies does.
Practical Steps for Parents
I could spend pages ranting about everything that’s wrong with how games target children. And honestly, sometimes I want to. But that wouldn’t help you or your kids. Instead, let me share some practical approaches that have worked for my family and others I’ve advised.
1. Learn to Identify Problematic Design
Think of this as developing a “dark pattern radar.” Once you know what to look for, these manipulative designs become almost comically obvious:
Multiple virtual currencies (gems, coins, stars) that obscure the actual cost of purchases. When a game uses its own made-up currency, it’s usually trying to create distance between real money and in-game spending. I call this the “casino chip effect” because it’s exactly why casinos use chips instead of cash.
Countdown timers and “limited time offers” that create artificial urgency. My son and I have turned spotting these into a game: “Oh look, another ‘last chance’ offer that will mysteriously reappear next week!”
Loot boxes or random rewards that you pay for. These are essentially gambling mechanics repackaged for children. If your state required an ID to enter a casino, why would we let the same psychological mechanisms target kids?
Features that use social pressure, like showing when friends are online or what they’ve accomplished. These can make your child feel perpetually behind if they don’t play constantly.
Sudden difficulty spikes that can only be overcome by paying. I once played a game with my nephew that was perfectly tuned for enjoyment until level 15, where it suddenly became nearly impossible unless you paid for power-ups. That’s not a difficulty curve; it’s a difficulty cliff designed to extract money.
2. Create Technical Safeguards
You wouldn’t give your child unsupervised access to your credit card in a mall, so why do it digitally? Some simple guardrails:
Disable in-app purchases entirely or require a password for every transaction. Most devices allow this in the settings. Yes, it’s annoying to enter your password every time. That’s the point!
Set and enforce screen time limits using built-in tools on most modern devices. The boundaries help children develop their own self-regulation over time.
Remove saved payment information from accounts your children can access. It takes 30 seconds and can save hundreds of dollars.
Consider using dedicated gaming devices rather than smartphones for younger children. Consoles like Nintendo Switch generally offer better parental controls and fewer microtransactions than mobile games.
3. Balance Digital Play with Other Activities
I’m not suggesting we throw all devices into a volcano and go live in the woods (though sometimes that sounds appealing). Research from child development experts suggests that instead of focusing exclusively on limiting screen time, we should ensure children are getting enough non-screen time for healthy development.
Make sure your children have regular outdoor time and physical activity. I’ve found that my kids actually sleep better and have fewer meltdowns on days when they’ve had proper physical play.
Introduce board games and card games that develop similar strategic and social skills without the digital manipulation. My kids were shocked to discover how much fun Settlers of Catan Junior was once they actually tried it.
Help them find real-world activities that connect to their gaming interests. If they love building in Minecraft, they might enjoy LEGO or actual building projects. My Minecraft-obsessed son recently spent three hours building a fort in the backyard, completely unprompted.
Establish tech-free zones and times in your home, like during meals or before bedtime. These boundaries help everyone, adults included!
4. Engage with Their Games
I know you’re busy. I know you’re tired. I know their games sometimes seem pointless or annoying. Play them anyway, at least occasionally. It’s actually one of the most effective approaches:
When you play together, you can spot problematic elements as they happen and discuss them naturally. “Hmm, they really want us to buy that power-up, don’t they? Let’s see if we can win without it.”
You can help your child develop critical thinking about game design. “Why do you think they’re offering this special deal right now?” Kids are smart; they catch on quickly when they realize they’re being manipulated.
You can model healthy gaming behaviors like taking breaks and maintaining perspective. “This level is getting frustrating. Let’s take a 15-minute break and come back to it.”
Plus, you get to transform solitary screen time into family bonding. Some of my favorite conversations with my kids have happened while playing games together.
5. Help Children Recognize Manipulation
This is my favorite strategy because it has the longest-lasting impact. Children genuinely dislike feeling manipulated once they understand it’s happening. It contradicts their developing sense of autonomy and fairness.
Have conversations that help them recognize these patterns:
“Why do you think the game gives you rewards for logging in every day?” “How does the game make you feel when you can’t play for a while?” “Why might this item be available for a ‘limited time only’?”
Once children understand how games are designed to influence their behavior, they often become more resistant to manipulation. My son now points out certain tactics in games with an eye roll: “Dad, they’re trying to get me to spend money again.” That little bit of critical distance is exactly what I want him to develop.
Finding Balance in a Digital World
Let me be clear: I love games. I wouldn’t design them for a living if I didn’t. There are wonderful, thoughtfully designed games that respect players and provide meaningful experiences without exploitative mechanics. Games like Monument Valley, Alba: A Wildlife Adventure, and many others show what’s possible when designers prioritize player well-being over maximizing revenue.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than 60 minutes of gaming on school days and 2 hours on non-school days for children over 6, with younger children spending closer to 30 minutes. This seems reasonable, but I’d suggest that quality matters much more than quantity. An hour building something amazing in Minecraft is fundamentally different from an hour with an app designed primarily to drain your wallet through manipulative mechanics.
When I talk to other parents about this stuff, I often see a mix of concern, confusion, and sometimes a touch of guilt. Parenting is hard enough without feeling like you need a degree in behavioral psychology to understand your kid’s iPad games. And it’s totally normal to feel some righteous anger when you realize how deliberately some of these games are designed to manipulate children.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Channeling that frustration into action and education is far more productive than either giving up or going to war with technology. As the gaming industry faces increased scrutiny from regulators and parents alike, I’m cautiously optimistic we’ll see more transparent, ethical design practices. Companies are starting to realize that predatory mechanics can damage their brands long-term, even if they boost short-term revenues.
Until better industry standards become the norm, we parents need to be attentive to what our children are playing and how those games are designed. This isn’t being overprotective; it’s being appropriately protective in a digital landscape that sometimes prioritizes profit over children’s wellbeing.
Remember that game developers often employ teams of specialists whose job is to maximize engagement and spending. Your child’s brain development isn’t their primary concern. It’s okay to feel a bit outraged about that, but it’s even better to take concrete steps to address it.
The stakes are significant. Beyond just protecting your wallet from unauthorized purchases, we’re helping children develop healthy attention spans, delayed gratification skills, and the ability to find joy in various activities, including those away from screens. These are foundational capabilities that influence their development far into adulthood.
As someone who works in game design and raises children, I believe the most important game isn’t happening on any screen. It’s the real-world challenge of helping our children navigate a digital landscape that isn’t always designed with their best interests in mind. And that’s a challenge parents and children should tackle together.
And yes, if you’re wondering, I did get a refund for those coloring app charges. But the experience taught me that even as someone in the industry, I need to stay vigilant about what my kids are accessing. We’re all learning as we go, sometimes $11 a week at a time.
Sam Liberty is a gamification expert, applied game designer, and consultant. His clients include The World Bank, Click Therapeutics, and DARPA. He teaches game design at Northeastern University. He is the former Lead Game Designer at Sidekick Health.
