How do you teach empathy?

The other day at the World Usability Day event in Buenos Aires, someone ask me this: “How do you teach empathy?”.

Empathy is a subject dear to my heart, not because I am good at it but actually for the opposite. I find myself in many situations in which I do not put my self in the place of the other and I don’t like that. I truly believe that as a designer the one skill that you should develop is exactly this, to have empathy towards the user, to really know their motivations and triggers, to put your self in the place of the engineering team and understand their mental model, to really see through the urgency of your stakeholders and find the business and political game playing behind a requirement.

I believe empathy is good, and a powerful tool that we can all use every day to solve problems and create more relevant solutions.

I have encouraged my teammates to be more empathic and to learn and practice this skill for year, and still it is something that I keep on asking to myself, how can I teach my self and others how to be more empathic. Is it even possible to teach it?. Is it a skill that you develop as part of a course?, or is it more like a life long pursue?.

Opposite to what Ross has taught as about Unagi, I have come to the understanding that empathy is not something you have, but rather, something you are. You can be empathic at one time, and not at the other. The more you practice being empathic the easier it will be for you to be more empathic.

So, this is what I’m doing, and you can try this. Whenever a situation arise, do this three things:

Be brave. Don’t walk away from conflict. Don’t walk away from an uncomfortable situation. Face it. It’s ok to be afraid and even not knowing how to stay in the moment or deal with. Push through. Stay. Face the situation. Open the conversation. Look in the eyes.

Be kind. Whatever you want to say and whatever you think is needed to be done, do it with kindness. If you feel you are too riled up or you are speaking too fast and not giving enough time for other to talk, remember to be kind, to say thank you, to do something nice. This will open conversations and will open your perspective to new solutions. Don’t do it because you think you are a saint, you are not, let’s face it, do it because you want to get to the best possible solution. That’s fair enough.

Be true. Present evidence of what is going on, not just opinion, but actual evidence. If you see that you are not going to make the deadline, say it, show why you think is happening and accept feedback (be brave and kind). When someone is making a mistake, face that conflict (be brave), expose the evidence (be true) and open a conversation (be kind).

I believe that doing this three things, and exercising this will turn me into a more empathic person.

I can’t tell you how many times during the day I do not do this things, believe me, many people around me can tell you this. I also can’t tell you how much I believe that we should all keep trying and be more like this in our life. I have seen the fruits of this behavior in my self and in others and it’s wonderful.

Empathy is a powerful act. It takes courage, kindness and a search for truth to drive us in the right direction.

On a similar note, please take some minutes to watch this talk by Simon Sinek about Empathy. Highly inspiring!