You Earn What You Ask For
Businesses aren’t charities and unless we ask for what we deserve, they’ll likely not give it.
One of the first accountants I met in my professional career told me, “Never ask anyone what they make. Never tell anyone how much you earn. And you’ll be very happy at work.” I was a naive, young employee who took his advice very seriously. I realised the weight of that advice much later in my life.
On the one hand, paycheck anonymity ensures no one feels short-changed at earning less than their peers. Everyone who works hard believes they deserve to be paid well. But there may be valid reasons why one person earns more than the other: greater experience, expertise and higher value added to the organization. Young employees often cannot see objectively and rarely know the full picture behind business decisions. And so, finding out how much a colleague earns can be demotivating. On the other hand, the anonymity helps hide discrimination.
The First Betrayal: The Time a Junior Earned More than Me
I once accidentally found out a colleague’s salary. I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and glanced at a computer at the most inopportune moment. And I was shocked. One of my juniors was making a cool 20% more than I was.
Only a couple of weeks prior, I had requested a raise. My employer calmly explained the dire condition of the company’s finances and asked me to understand their position. But apparently, that dire situation didn’t apply to this guy.
When I discussed the situation with my family, I got a stern reprimand: You can’t blame the other guy for being a good negotiator. Nothing compounds being hurt more than victim-blaming.
It was then that I recalled the accountant’s advice: I would have been happier not knowing anyone else’s salary. And then it hit me: I may have been grossly underpaid in the other organization too.
As I stated earlier, employees can feel shortchanged for legitimate business decisions. But this scenario didn’t make sense to me at the time and I felt angry. I’ve waited several years now for the anger to simmer down. The distance of time and circumstances has given me a (slightly) more objective viewpoint.
I give my colleague the benefit of the doubt. He couldn’t have specifically asked for a pay higher than me. He had loans to pay off and that probably incentivised him to negotiate better. My employer took a business decision to keep costs low as much as they could and if it meant keeping a high-value employee at a low pay, they didn’t mind. It’s what any shrewd business owner does. That doesn’t mean it’s right or justified.
The Lessons Learnt
My employer effectively lied to me about not being able to afford raises. But that doesn’t let me off the hook either. I didn’t sell myself better, because I wasn’t convinced. As a woman, I’ve found it easy to blame patriarchy and several centuries’ worth of subconscious sidelining for my lack of self-confidence.
But these issues cut across genders. It’s true, that women and people of color experience the short end of the straw. But I also know some men who deserve better. And then there those who confidently portray themselves as geniuses when they have no clue they aren’t as great as they claim to be.
Since that first, shall we call it “betrayal,” I’ve learned more formal terms to describe the problems: Imposter Syndrome and the Dunning-Kruger effect. I have learned that there are several other factors aside from gender and race that affect people’s behaviour. How we’re brought up — our family values, cultural heritage, colonial oppression, education, whether we’re brought up in cities or small villages, our life experiences and more — plays a vital role. And even when faced with identical scenarios, different people respond differently.
More importantly, I have learned that life goes on and at the end of the day, a person with Imposter Syndrome will always do better than the one suffering from the Dunning-Kruger effect.
The Second Betrayal: The New Kid Earned More than Me
Years after that betrayal, I found myself in an eerily similar situation. This time, it was a new, junior colleague from a different team earning about the same as I was, while I hadn’t had a pay raise for a year. He volunteered that information himself, without me asking (I told you he was a junior). I tried my best to hide my shock and walked away. But evidently, I didn’t do a good job of concealing my feelings. As soon as my colleague found me a couple of hours later, he apologised for revealing what he did. I shrugged my shoulders, mustered up all I had in me and said, “I’m happy you know how to negotiate your pay.”
I took time to reflect and process everything: What were the parallels between last time and now? How did I react then? And what was the outcome? What could I do better now?
The first time, I quit the company citing personal issues. It wasn’t a lie. I had been mulling quitting for a long time. The pay gap was the final nail in the proverbial coffin. I never confronted them about it and eventually, I got over it. I had done well for myself. I gained clients based on my work and then secured a fulfilling and well-paying role that I loved. I didn’t care about that company or the employee.
This time was a little different. I loved my job and didn’t want to quit. So, I decided to confront my problem. I had an open conversation with my employer. I didn’t reveal what I knew, because I shouldn’t have known it. Instead of saying a junior employee was earning more, I made a case for myself. I listed my achievements, the value I added to the company and how I felt undervalued. Talking frankly and sharing my grievances about being underpaid was a huge gamble and uncomfortable territory. But for once, I recognized my value, and so did my employer. They heard me patiently and after another round of discussions offered me a good raise and a promotion. Instead of quitting like last time out of frustration, I continued working, knowing I was valued.
Recognize Thy Worth
Looking back, I realize that had the new kid not revealed his salary, I wouldn’t have asked for a raise. Because I thought I was earning well already. Anger and frustration inspired me. But that shouldn’t have been the case. All of us should advocate our strengths with a positive mindset. The first step to do that is — to borrow the tagline from a cosmetic company — convince ourselves that we are worth it.
While wandering around the internet woods, I stumbled upon an article “Get your work recognized: write a brag document” by Julia Evans. A brag document, is well, a document in which one brags about themselves. What struck me about this document was its origin story.
“The idea is that some people undersell their accomplishments more than they should, so we wanted to encourage those people to “brag” a little bit and write down what they did that was important.” — Julia Evans
Recently, I put together a deck of my work to present to a potential client. I hadn’t revisited my portfolio in a while and as I poured over my work, I found myself asking, “Whoa, I did that?” The act of putting everything together instilled a lot of faith in me.
Self-confidence isn’t a drug that one needs to inject once every few years when facing a deficiency. It is a supplement that we need to take in small doses continuously so that we’re always strong. We shouldn’t wait for a performance appraisal or a client pitch to put together our accomplishments. We should note down wins, no matter how big or small while they’re still fresh in our memory. As Julia (and others) have pointed out, a living document will constantly remind us of our worth.
I highly recommend reading the original article and starting this practice.
And most importantly, actively advocate for your worth in a positive and healthy manner.
