7 Tips for Family Sanity Amid the Madness

Staying 70% Sane as a 100% Mediocre Homeschooler

Even Buddha Might Break

Many of us are overwhelmed by people giving advice on how to handle the stress of shelter-in-place, homeschooling, remote work, unemployment, and everything else related to the COVID-19 pandemic crisis. The fact is, there are no experts on any of this, really, as everyone’s situation is different, and this whole global situation is unprecedented. In your quest to discover what’s best for you and your family, I wanted to share a few tips that I’ve discovered, one non-expert to another.

First, a few disclaimers:

1. I’m no expert in parenting. I’m actually a certified “Subject Matter Novice” (SMN) truth be told, having only been placed with an 8-year old child via the foster system just over a year ago. Most of what I’ve learned, I learned from other parents, books, and a lot of seat of my pants thinking.
2. I’m no expert in teaching. Despite being an expert in eLearning and curriculum development, and a former ESL teacher in the Peace Corps, I failed miserably as a certified CA K-8 substitute teacher, unable to sustain 35+ kids’ attention for more than one day at a time, let alone on a day-to-day basis and actually teach them anything. My respect for teachers has always been good, but after nearly a month of emergency homeschooling, teachers now hold superhero status somewhere along the lines of Martin Luther King, Glenda the Good Witch, or well, insert your favorite demi-God.
3. I’m not a doctor nor psychologist.

So why keep reading? Well, my friends may tell you that I am good at a few things — and one of them is staying cool in a crisis. I’ve been evacuated from four separate countries as a result of conflicts or coups, and I’ve lived through hair-raising incidents in regions of the world where authorities will literally chop off your head if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a former documentary journalist, I’m also good at compiling information from trusty sources in neat little piles. To that end, I’ve included links to information from real “Subject Matter Experts” (SMEs) throughout and at the end of this post.

So, the tips already.

Of course these can be added to or amended depending on your family’s situation, and how the situation develops around you. Feel free to add your sanity tips in the comments.

1. Expect less. Out of your children and yourself. If the teachers are loading on too much homework, talk to the teacher and find out the minimum required to get by, and have your child attempt that. If that’s still too much, create a schedule with him or her that works and do any amount that keeps your kid’s mental health in check. When this is all said and done, this is what’s important. Whether you’re looking for work, as I’ve been since 7 months before the crisis, or trying to work remotely, go easy on yourself, and set reasonable goals.
2. Ask for help. As a new parent, I was immediately impressed by how helpful other parents could be. As a single person for most of my life, I always looked at asking for help as a weakness. Not anymore, because I am always able to return the favor, if not to that person, to another. It may be that you need someone to just listen, and it may be that neighbor who needs something at the store who will be happy to.
3. Ride the wave. Kids are watching and listening to our responses to stress and fear. Next homeschool meltdown, try to model responding rather than reacting, or just back off completely. If your kid’s meltdown turns into your own, just take a moment to forgive yourself for screaming/drinking/ or (insert your personal vice) and take a walk, even if it’s down the hall. If you’re lucky enough to live near a park bench that doesn’t have yellow hazard tape around it, go sit and chill. Or, call a friend.
4. Bookend your day with calm. We have a daily routine that includes 20 minutes of meditation for me and reading for him, before breakfast. (On good days.) No electronics before 9:00 am or one hour before bed, with the exception of tranquil music that puts him to sleep like magic. I use the Insight Timer app daily, which has over 40K free guided meditations, along with chill music and eLearning offerings. Here’s a sample from one of my favorite teachers: Tomek Wyczesany — Morning Self Care. You may be thinking, doesn’t this require using a digital device, and isn’t that blatant hypocrisy to your rule? Yes, see next tip. ; )
5. Bend or amend the rules. Our pre-COVID-19 rules included: no-electronics or playdates on school nights and bedtime by 8 pm. While it’s been important to keep to a routine with the bedtime, the no-electronics rule has gone out the window with online learning. In-fact, educational games like Prodigy (Math Skills) and Scholastic’s Home Base (Reading) have been lifesavers. So have the FaceTime and Zoom chats with friends and classmates. Kids need to know they’re all in this together too.
6. Eat, drink and be merry. Or not. Self-care is super important, but “should and shouldn’t” needs to stay out of it. This pandemic is an emotional roller-coaster, and there will be many days when we’ll just feel crappy. Yoga’s great, if that’s what you need, but so is a nap, a good cry, or my personal favorite, Tillamook Birthday Cake ice cream. Let’s all face it, many of us will be 20 pounds heavier after all is said and done. And who knows, if working out is your go-to stress-buster, then you may end up with washboard abs, but no open pool to show them off! (Just kidding on that one, I’m just jealous already.) ; )
7. Laugh. Last but most definitely not least. Clichés like “laughter is the best medicine” are overused because they so easily “hit the nail on the head.” I’m grateful that the kiddo keeps me “in stiches” when he’s not “driving me crazy.” This global pandemic we’re all living through couldn’t be more serious, but there is no better time to find humor and smile at whomever and whatever we can, even behind a face mask. Our family’s been on this weird Weird Al Jankovic kick, and I was surprised to find that apparently, we are not alone! The collective consciousness of the free world is in sync with us, according to NY Times writer Sam Anderson in this April 12th podcast. For more homeschool humor, check out these two viral videos, an Israeli Mom’s hilarious meltdown and an American Mom’s prayer, for a laugh. Whatever makes you grin, just do it!

That’s it, that’s all I got. And for you cynics out there, I don’t get any kick-backs from the resources/companies mentioned. Only about 20 people read my blog posts, so there’s no $ in it for them. Stay safe and healthy.

Useful links and books from the “real” experts:

• Article: How to Protect Your Kids’ Mental Health During This Pandemic — Common Sense Media
• Parenting Support Group: Hand in Hand Parenting
• Book: Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn
• Book: The Parent’s Tao Te Ching Ancient Advice for Modern Parents by William Martin