Day 15: Sobremesa — a.k.a: Long-Form Brunch
On my third Sunday in España I had the pleasure of experiencing sobremesa.
I had been invited to brunch by a woman I’d met on FB (seriously, if you’re going to do something intense like pick up everything and move halfway around the world, join relevant FB groups first) and with whom I had some key points in common: we are both Black women married to white men, both have 3 kids, both have a dog, both from the US, both living in Valencia. We have even more in common but might not have discovered that if it weren’t for sobremesa.
I joined her and two of her friends, also WOC living in Spain, for brunch yesterday with only the start time and location to guide me. Brunch at 13:15 seemed particularly Spanish (I’m more used to brunching at 11 am) and I was ready for it. We met at Federal Cafe in Ciutat Vella (the Old City) and found each other in the line to enter thanks to context clues. The three friends welcomed me warmly into their circle, we were seated, and brunch began.
The menu had allergen logos on it so I was able to order safely and without assistance, and once we’d ordered we settled into conversation. It could have been so easy to feel like the odd woman out — the three of them had years of Spanish living under their belts and a full year of monthly brunches together before Sunday. Instead, I was included from the beginning and when things came up that I didn’t understand they wove the explanations into the conversation seamlessly.
The food came and was good and was eaten…and the conversation continued. It felt like we talked about everything under the sun! Families, work, Spanish culture, religion, gender & sexuality, generational shifts…and as we talked the restaurant went from being fully packed to having only a few lingering tables like ours.
This lingering over the meal is a delicious part of Spanish culture and one that I am deeply grateful for getting to experience. The servers leave you be unless you call them over. There is no pressure to move along. You as the diner are the mistress of your own mat — I mean table — and it’s expected that you’ll stay for as long as you’d like. I sincerely hope that Spanish dating culture happens over lunch rather than dinner, as I can imagine how well you’d get to know someone over a few sobremesas!
By the time we finished it was 15:45, and we only wrapped up then because one of the women had to get home for something kid-related. According to the sobremesa lore once you rise from the table the spell is broken, but we didn’t fully end our brunch right then. Instead we walked around Ciutat Vella, with Bill taking the place of the woman who had to leave (he’d had his own adventure-filled day).
We saw the Estació Del Nord, the train station that is like Union Station in purpose but with some extra flare, and said goodbye to the FB friend who’d organized the brunch.
With the remaining bruncher, we walked towards some award-winning ice cream (where Bill and she had tasty treats), past other special treats, and then back to Ben & Jerry’s (where I could have a tasty treat without gluten).
After that it was just Bill and me. We stopped at Asador Flamenco for a beverage and to keep the day lingering just a bit more and were rewarded with Flamenco guitar and a really sweet waitress.
By the time we got home it was 19:00! The entire day spent out in the glorious weather with glorious people seeing and doing glorious things. When you visit Spain I hope you find your way into a sobremesa experience, too.
