The Glory & Gory of A Remote Worker
I have had the privilege of working outside the walls of an office for a while and “Oh Lord”, it’s been such an exciting & funny experience at the same time.
As usual, I was on a tweeting spree a couple of days about my experiences and it occurred to me that I have only about 187, 199, 998 keystrokes left before I die, thus the urge to document all of those tweets and compile them into a single post.
First, who is a remote worker?
A remote worker is simply someone that does work outside the confines of a traditional office in a company. This individual works from home, on a plane, on a ship, in a pool, in a coffee store or even in transit.
Now that I have cleared the air about who a remote worker is, let me tell you how I have felt all through the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months of working remotely for companies in insane timezones.
Gonna be a long one. Ahhh, thou reader, grab some Burritos, Ofada Rice, Nyamachoma and Coffee for thou shall need food in the time of lonely scrolling.
- Doing daily stand ups in only pants/boxers.
2. Having to convince everybody that I do, in fact, have a real job.
3. People complaining on social media that there’s serious traffic on Third Mainland Bridge to work. Then I ask, “What is a traffic, what y’all talking about?”
4. Going clothes shopping, then exclusively buying pyjamas sets. 😍😍
5. Announcing to my coworkers that I put on real pants today. 😊😊😊
6. . Realizing I have never actually met 70% of the people I work with in real life. 😞😞😞😞
7. Using my lunch break to do chores around the house. 😁😁😁
8. Seeing the look on people’s faces when you tell them you can work from anywhere you want. 😋😋😋
9. Telling the team that you are going to lunch, but you never actually walk away, just staying glued watching Netflix on your computer!
10. Realizing that my workday at home was far more productive than any that I have had in an office.
11. Rushing to put on a shirt when you realize everyone else is on video during team call. Well I don’t need to even put on pants.
12. When there is a public holiday & everyone is jubilating about how they can spend time at home & chill.
13. Realizing that I can be in Nairobi, Switzerland and SF in one week & none of my co-workers will have no idea! Well, except the ones that stalk me on twitter & snapchat. 😒😒😒
14. Realizing that I haven’t bought new clothes in 5 months because I only need clothes for Sunday service. Well, the service can also be attended remotely!
15. Feeling bad and ashamed because no one cared about my idea on a team call, & then I realize that I was muted the whole time.
16. Constantly having to apologize for your dog barking in the background during meetings.
17. Having a difficult time speaking to people in real life without the ability to respond with emojis and GIFs.
18. Realizing that I drive my car like once a week. Am I sure I even need a car?
19. Having to bear the constant requests of “Let me come your house. Shebi you are always at home”.
20. Sitting up while working as my greatest non-work accomplishment almost every day.
21. Getting funny responses from friends and family like “…but you work from home nah” when you say you are really exhausted. 🙄🙄🙄
22. Conversation between an actual human being and I.
Human being: I heard you are a software developer & you work for this & that. Wow, that’s awesome. Can I have your business card?
Me: I don’t have a business or work ID card. All I have in this life is my International Passport.
Human being: **Thoughts:** Why is this one so unserious in Life?
23. Constantly having to convince the people in your neighbourhood and security guards that you are not a “Verizon boy”, “Nigerian Prince” or some shit like that!
Hahahaha, I actually do enjoy working remotely and would love to know your experiences if you also do same in the comments section.
Note: I might have exaggerated some of the 23 points noted in this post, but well….C’mon, what is life without spraying some pepper & salt on everything!
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