Common Misconceptions about Female Leaders
It’s no secret that leadership is hard work: leaders have individual responsibilities, as well as the calling to train up leaders underneath them. When male and female leaders work together, there’s room for miscommunication. After all, we’re wired differently. Within our God-given differences, there are also individual preferences: some men prefer to sit back and listen, which defies the stereotype that men are take-charge and assertive. Likewise, some women will take charge and start conversations.
I’ve found that there are often misconceptions about female leaders that keep them from being coached and developed to their full capacity. I want to look at three of the biggest myths here.
1. Myth #1: Women aren’t interested in growing in leadership.
Anyone who’s led for longer than about two days knows that, to develop as a leader, you need to be invested. Many times, male leaders see that female leaders aren’t vocally asking to be developed, or visibly reaching for the next level. They assume that these female leaders aren’t interested in more responsibility.
In addition, some female leaders have families and other commitments. This can cause male leaders, out of a good heart, to want to spare them any overwhelming additions to their plate. The problem doesn’t occur with this consideration; instead, it comes when there is no conversation with the female leader!
For instance, let’s say we have a female leader in the church who is married with two young children. She’s shown great promise, and is a prime candidate for a newly-opened position on the church staff. However, because of her family and standing responsibilities, her male supervisor figures she’d probably turn down the offer, so foregoes asking her in favor of a single male leader who is more “available.”
The supervisor’s heart may have been in the right place, but his actions will send the message to this woman that she’s not worth considering! The more overlooked she is, the more she may begin to believe that she’s not performing, not appreciated, or not worth promotion. This is why communication is so important, especially pertaining to a church’s theological stance on what women can and cannot do. If female leaders are clear on what’s happening, they’ll feel safer in voicing their desires to be developed to the next level.
Myth #2: Women don’t want honest feedback.
Feedback is a huge piece of leadership growth. Without someone else letting us know how we’re doing, most of us remain blind to our shortcomings, and can’t grow to our full potential. Oftentimes, in leadership circles, male leaders attempt to “protect,” or “favor,” female leaders by softening their critiques.
While this may seem polite at the time, it’s actually limiting the ability of these same female leaders to grow. They aren’t being coached and developed in the same way as their male counterparts. Instead, they receive one of two messages: “Everything I do is good as is,” or, “I’m not worth my supervisor’s honest feedback.” Either way, this sets them up for disappointment in their leadership development.
In giving feedback, always be courteous; but let the individual know your true thoughts. It won’t harm female leaders in the long run for them to realize an area in which they need to grow; it will help them! Show your female leaders that you value them by investing in their development, even when doing so may not be what they want to hear. It’s what they need to hear.
Myth #3: Most women in leadership want to take over and dominate the conversation.
Let’s be really honest: sometimes, it’s hard to give someone a seat at the table because we grapple with insecurity and pride. No matter your sex, race, socioeconomic status, or job title, we all hold biases and ideas about people who are different from us. Many times, male leaders have a difficult time working alongside and developing female leaders, simply because they’re unsure what inviting them will mean for the future of the organization.
The first step to combating biases is admitting they exist. Once we come to grips with our inherent stereotypes, we can begin to dismantle them. The truth is that most women do not aim to dominate teams or take over churches. Their desire isn’t to oust men, or even subvert the authority of the male leaders in their churches.
Most women genuinely want a place where their gifts and talents are seen, appreciated, and developed. That’s it. They want to work alongside male leaders who have the same passions as they do, and make one another better for the common goals. Inviting women — or any minority — to sit at the table may be intimidating at first; but it will actually enhance your leadership discussion — not squelch it out.
We want to hear from you: what myths have you seen surrounding female leaders? Which of the three myths above do you think is the most harmful to relationships between male and female leaders?
