The Golden Dubs: Episode 2 — Certified Lover Boy
Short fiction series about GSW’s 4 vets — Steph, Klay, Dray & Dré
Episode 2: Certified Lover Boy
Steph & Dray help JP curate his brand. Klay & Dré guide JK on his comic book idea.
The golden dubs are enjoying their morning coffee in the comfort of their living room.
The doorbell RINGS. Dré gets up and opens the door. JP and JK dap Dré as they enter.
JP: What’s poppin’ yo?
JK: Hello, my guys.
JP and JK dap Steph, Klay, and Dray.
Steph: What brings you youngins here at our crib?
Klay: They probably here to ask us for more PT.
Dré: More PT? Dunno ‘bout that, young lions. Gotta earn your keep, you know what I mean?
JP and JK look at each other, then starts laughing.
Dray: What so funny, you two?
JP: Oh, no. We here to pick your brains.
JK: To get advice, learn from you.
The golden dubs look at each other.
Steph: Shoot your shot, JP.
JP: I need help…um guidance about my brand.
Steph and Dray look at each other, then both flash a hearty grin.
Dray: A’ight, JP. Steph & I gotchu.
Dré: JK, what ‘bout you, my guy?
JK: Uh…yeah, kinda shy to ask.
Klay: Long as you ain’t gonna solicit for funds, we gotchu, dawg.
JK: No, oh no, Klay. I need help with my comic book.
Klay and Dré smile at JK.
Dré: Let’s do this, JK.
Dré, Klay, and JK walk towards the kitchen. Steph, Dray, and JP chill in the living room.
LIVING ROOM (Steph, Dray and JP)
JP: So how do I pitch myself as “Certified Lover Boy” and get a lucrative shoe deal with Nike.
Steph and Dray shake their heads, disappointed.
Steph: In advertising and marketing, perception is reality, JP. You live and breathe your brand. Do you really want to pitch yourself as a so-called “Certified Lover Boy?” I mean, Drizzy got that market on lock.
JP: I know, Steph. I wanna be the NBA version of Drizzy.
Dray: But you don’t rap, my guy.
JP: You right, Dray. But I’ve been known as droppin’ fire moves, bustin’ magic tricks when I see baddies during games, ya know? Check Twitter.
Steph massages his forehead — “I’ve got a lot of work to do with this one.”
Dray: Yo, JP. The bigger question is not how you want to be branded as a “Certified Lover Boy,” but are you willing to get fiddy fo’ a swoosh or a dolla ya gotta boost?
JP squints, confused as heck.
JP: Hey, Dray. What’s Fiddy and Dame got to do with my brand?
Dray shakes his head — “I can’t believe I gotta tutor this young dub with basic arithmetic and poetic logic.”
KITCHEN (Dré, Klay and JK)
JK shows the digital illustration of his comic book hero — “JoKu” on a tablet. The superhero looks exactly like JK with a tight-fitting outfit in white gold with random black patches and small stripes.
Dré: This is a good illustration, JK.
JK: Thank you, Dré. That’s my illustration.
Klay grabs the tablet from JK and inspects it further.
Klay: JoKu looks a lot like you, JK. Is this you?
JK avoids eye contact with Klay.
JK: Well…you know, I umm…maybe it does.
Dré taps JK’s shoulder.
Dré: It’s cool if it is you, JK. Hey, it’s your IP, you do you, you know? I mean, ain’t it obvious, tho? JoKu — short for Jonathan Kuminga. My question, tho, why you wearing a cheetah fit?
Klay: Nah, Dré. Judging from JK’s background. He prolly was inspired by Air Serval. That’s a Serval fit, right, JK?
JK smiles from ear to ear.
JK: Wow! How did you know that Klay?
Klay does the “MJ shrug.”
Dré: Klay and I watch National Geographic videos on YouTube, that’s why.
BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM
Dray: Look here, JP. Who do I rock wit?
JP: Converse.
Steph: And me?
JP: Under Armour. Ooh, big congrats on gettin’ that perpetual bag from UA.
Steph gestures — “Making it rain” with his hands.
Dray: So, do you get the point I’m makin’ ‘bout “fiddy” fo’ a swoosh? A dolla ya gotta boost?
JP nods, then daps Dray.
JP: I finally do, Dray. So, if I limit myself to getting signed with Nike then I might miss out financially if I snub other brands. Is that right?
Steph and Dray smile and nod.
Steph: Shoe deal 101, my guy.
JP: Cool, cool. Okay, forget limiting myself to just Nike. I got that part sorted. Can I still brand myself as NBA’s Drizzy?
Dray: Check this, bruh. I got something better: Jordan Poole aka Magic 3.0. BOOM! You’re welcome, youngin’!
Steph: Clever, Dray. I like that.
JP shoots a confused look.
JP: Why not Magic 2.0?
Dray: ‘Coz that’s ‘Bron.
Steph: Dray’s right. You rock number 3. So, it’s fitting that you’re Magic 3.0. Ooh, and you gotta learn how to pass and not hog the ball too much to deserve that monicker. Agreed?
JP daps Steph and Dray.
JP: My guys. Appreciate it.
Steph, Dray, and JP walk toward the kitchen.
KITCHEN (golden dubs and young dubs)
Dray grabs the tablet from JK.
Dray: Yo, JK. This is a Certified Lover Boy comic book hero, my dude.
JP shakes his head — “Why is JoKu Certified Lover Boy and not me.”
Dray passes the tablet to Steph. Steph shoots a hearty grin as he stares at the tablet.
Steph: I’m getting that vibe too. Who’s this superhero?
JK: He’s JoKu protector of the secret land of “Gomanda.”
Dray: What’s JoKu’s backstory?
Klay motions to JK — “Pump your brakes, bruh, I got this.”
Klay: Lemme answer that, JK. JoKu is Gomanda’s protector. He battles half-man and half-animal warlords who want to invade them because of a powerful rock called “Hooponium.”
JK: Right, Klay. And, also…
Dré: (speaking over JK) …JoKu protects the women and children of Gomanda. A true noble hero.
Dray daps JK.
Dray: My guy, JK. JoKu is clearly a comic book Certified Lover Boy.
Steph, Klay, and Dré dap JK.
JK: Appreciate y’all.
JP: Wait…uh, so y’all think JoKu is Certified Lover Boy.
They all nod at JP.
JP: But I’m not?
They all nod. JK wraps his arm around JP’s shoulder and whispers to him:
JK: Take the “L,” bro. Don’t worry ‘bout their approval. You still own “Baddies-R-Us.”
JP daps JK.
JP: Keepin’ it hunnid, my guy.
The golden dubs and young dubs dap. JK and JP exit. Klay scrolls on his phone and shows a Tweet about JP.
They all shake their heads and grin — “Giving props to JP the Baddie Snatcher.”
END OF EPISODE 2
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. In short, this is a fanboy’s short story series rebrand/reimagination of a TV series with his favorite NBA players.
