The Third Gender
Before my father passed away, he once told me, “always be true to yourself, and never give up.” Growing up, I always knew I was a little different than everyone else around me. Unlike other boys, I was never really into action figures, violent movies, or active sports. I never really understood my sexuality, especially because of how I grew up in a small city. My family would constantly keep feeding me the idea of masculinity, and how a man is supposed to be a man. It also didn’t help the fact that I’m the first son in my family and with that being said, I am expected to continue the family legacy.
Being gay in Vietnam is considered as “the third gender.” The traditional individuals in Vietnam don’t agree with the lifestyle that gay individuals live. As a result, they identify homosexual lifestyles as a mental illness, which ultimately categorizes them into their own gender. Therefore most of the population in Vietnam believe that being gay is an illness, and that can be spread through daily interactions. So I was terrified growing up in this environment.
I started to understand more about my sexuality as I transitioned living in America. It seemed like everyone here was more understanding about homosexuality. As a result, I felt like I was finally able to become who I really wanted to be. However, my whole world turned upside down as soon as my parents found out that I was gay. I had no moral support, my parents immediately wanted me to go to therapy so I can get rid of this so called illness, or they would disown me. I remember how my mother would made me promise her that I will never do this again, and that broke me.
With society’s nonacceptance of homosexuality, it was even more difficult to live under a roof that chose not to accept me as a person. Therefore, there was nothing more I could do than to continue to live my life as a lie to my family. However, at school everyone treated me with more respect than when I was at home. I felt like I could completely be myself with all the support I had in school. That’s why I never wanted to come home.
Until my senior year of high school, I wasn’t able to live a lie with a family anymore. I decided to officially come out to them on my graduation day. With many years of living a double life, I finally had the guts to sit down and tell my parents that I needed to be myself, and I wouldn’t be able to that if I did not have their support, especially from my mother. Instead of my mother yelling at me, for the first time ever, she came over and gave me the tightest hug and told me she was proud of me. I didn’t understand where this was coming from and I was in complete shock. My mother continued to tell me that she loves me regardless of anything, because in the end of the day, I am her son.
This photo from a gay pride in Vietnam really captured my attention due to the fact that Vietnam has finally opened up about the LGBTI community. As the audience can see, many of the colorful balloons resemble the colors of the LGBT flag. It seemed like this was the day where everyone came together to celebrate a new meaning of life. The audience can observe the genuine smiles and laughter as these individuals release these balloons in their hands to the sky. This photo really touched me in a way that I feel like my birthplace is slowly taking a step forward to achieving equality. It also made me smile knowing that individuals like me will now have a better environment growing up because of this movement.
Although I lived more than half of my life as a lie to my family, I’m forever grateful for the support that I have received today. A line from Seyhan’s article, “Neither Here/Nor There: The Culture of Exile,” reminded me that we still live in a world that develops with one another through our traditions.
“We participate in human experience through a dialogue sustained by shared tradition.”
I finally understand what my father told me before he passed away. “Never give up” isn’t just another phrase to live by. Regardless there are many people who don’t believe in my “lifestyle”, in the end of the day, I know who I am as a person and that’s all it really matters. So go ahead and categorize me as “the third gender,” I’ll gladly embrace who I am, and I would not want to be anyone else.
