Two Cities, One Girl

Growing up in two different cultures was the norm. Living in one of the most diverse cities in the world gifted me the ability to see and experience diversity in the place I call home. Just minutes outside of my doorstep diversity was everywhere. It never occurred to me that there was a different world out there where my two cultures would not be accepted and my motives would be questioned every time a decision was made.

My parents left Hong Kong for a better life. Afraid of the political instability and turmoil that would come with the 1997 turnover of former British Colony, Hong Kong to China they left in the 1990’s in hope for a better life for their children. I led a very picturesque childhood, the white house picket fence with all the children in the neighborhood coming out to play in the cul-de-sac that we lived in. It was a dream however, specks of my Chinese culture and heritage followed me. I grew up in a bilingual household, attend Chinese school every Friday night and all my favourite foods were comprised of Chinese dishes. Some western ideals remained though, I had a secret love for Friends and held a true love for chicken nuggets at McDonalds. Growing up I didn’t see any problems with these influences as many of my friends and classmates also grew up in similar households.

Every thing changed though when I moved to Hong Kong. While during my younger yearsI had visited Hong Kong I had never encountered many problems, during my stays. My parents mostly sheltered me away from the locals. Only eating at places expats often visited or socialized. That all changed when my family decided to move back to Hong Kong.

I never quite noticed how out of place I was in that city until I moved back. I often was used to the stares people gave me because of my darker skin tone and my constant chatter in “ching-lish” with my family. It was never an issue however until I moved back. I began continuing my fifth grade education at a local school and there my struggles began.

Growing up I was a big chatterbox and had quite an inquisitive mind. I was constantly asking questions and often had to be reminded to refocus on the subject we were learning because I was too busy asking questions. Arriving in Hong Kong the behaviour continued but often instead of being reminded, I was constantly reprimanded and bullied by my teachers and peers for not being obedient and asking too many questions. At one point my teachers held a parent-teacher conference with my parents and asked if I had ADHD or was autistically challenged since I was also not doing well in school (I was not, the workload was just more challenging than what I was used to and I got distracted easily as any other child did). Insulted, my parents came home angered and frustrated that my teachers would insinuate that and began to tell me the issues my teachers and they had discussed.

I was confused, back in Canada I was always well liked by my teachers and got along well with my peers. For the first time I felt like an outsider and didn’t know where to belong and what do to. That feeling made me think of W.E.B DuBois comment about being an outsider. Watching Fresh Off The Boat, and Eddie’s experience as an outsider it resonated loudly with me and reminded me of W.E.B DuBois comment.

“ Then it dawned upon me with a certain suddenness that I was different from the others; or like, mayhap, in heart and life and longing, but shut out from their world by a vast veil”

In a particular scene, where Eddie brings his lunch and all his friends laugh and make fun of his noodles. It reminded me a lot of my childhood in Hong Kong but instead I was laughed for bringing in burgers and fries for lunch instead of traditional Chinese cuisine.

This feeling of being an outsider, followed me for the rest of my life and even today at times I feel like I am just an outsider peering at the lives of Americans, as a Chinese Canadian living in America. Yet there is nothing wrong with being an outsider as I have learned, you gain a new perspective in different avenues and through your experiences you almost always have an interesting and different approach to problems people encounter. Yes there is a certain sadness that sometimes clings onto my thoughts but it is also what makes me unique and special and who I am as a person. So, it is ok to be shut out from the world of my ethnicities because I have found a world of outsiders and misfits that I belong to.