Trump blasts Loser Press

Washington — During a White House Press conference, Trump reportedly blasted the loser press for reporting the news. One journalist asked Trump to clarify his recent locker talk statements, calling immigrants animals, Trump fired back:

“Ever seen a real animal? I was grabbing a turkey and believe me, it was incredible, nothing like it. It was attractive, the most beautiful turkey you’ve ever seen. While it was alive, not one word of Spanish or Turkish slipped from its mouth.”

Asked to comment on recent escalations in Gaza, Trump replied:

Here’s the deal. MS-13 are the leading terrorist organization in Gaza. You won’t hear it from the media, but I’ve got the best and smartest people working on this and when they tell me there are very bad hombres, I believe them. It’s a terrible situation.

After some confusion and clarification of what was going on, Trump requested a staffer move the US Embassy again, closer to Gaza so they would have a fairer chance of beating Netanyahu’s combat score.

At press time, Israel is doubling its butcher units alongside Turkey.