Attn: Dudes — Three Ways to Increase Matches, Messages and Dates on Tinder
Spend less time on Tinder and more time on dates with these simple steps
When I talk about app dating life with my male friends (and dates), I’m always fascinated by tales from the other side.
High-level, it’s the same baseline shitshow regardless of gender: mismatched expectations, inauthenticity and general apathy.
There are, however, some pretty noticeable differences between how women and men experience the dating app scene. And I should point out, there is no “one” experience for men or women, these tips are purely based on my experience and those of my friends (men and women!).
On Tinder, dudes:
1 — Right-swipe across hundreds of profiles to get a handful of matches
2 — Are often left hanging after an opening message is sent to a match
3 —Get stuck in never-ending chats with no date in sight
4 — Have experienced women showing up on dates looking different from their profile…or not showing up at all!
On Tinder, women:
1 — Left-swipe on hundreds of profiles before finding someone even remotely appealing to right swipe on
2 — Have an archive of opening messages of monosyllabic variations of “hello”
3–-Get stuck in never-ending chats with no date in sight
4 — Don’t experience this to the extent that I think men do?
Also, heads up…if you are only on Tinder for a hookup, stop reading here.
If you’re on a dating app hoping to establish a meaningful, in-person connection with someone, here are some things that will up your match and message rate — plus, actual (hopefully repeat) dates:
Tip #1 — Want more matches? Make sure your profile is better than ‘meh’
Look. There are so many terrible, no good profiles we’re left-swiping on:
- Old, blurry photos (so many mobile photos of an actual hardcopy photo?!)
- Photos in a badly lit gym or elevator or bathroom mirror
- Photos with a baby that isn’t your child
- Photos of you sitting in the car, holding the phone low so your nostrils are the centre of attention
- Photos of you in sunglasses or other sports gear that totally hides your face
- Cat kissing or fish kissing
- Captive, wild animal petting
- Or photos where you’re not in it at all (e.g. the plate of sushi I left swiped on last night)
Bad:
You have a mobile phone, right? Then you have no excuse to have anything but a strong opening profile photo.
Taking a selfie is weird and awkward for most people, despite what your Instagram feed might tell you. Not everyone is cool with taking photos of themselves solely for the purpose of attracting a potential suitor…especially if you were born before 1990.
Good:
A guy I once dated had a great profile, including what I would consider a pretty-near perfect profile photo. I asked him who took it and was surprised when he told me it was a selfie. It was so charming and authentic, I was shocked he captured what looked like an engaging moment alone with his phone in his face.
He said, rather sheepishly, that he had a technique: he would just relax, laugh and do a screen burst.
Take note, guys: smiling is really, really hot.
I have used his technique to have non-shit photos of my face on my profile.
So, even if your teeth are crooked. Even if you were (or are) a hockey player. Even if you have no teeth at all. A beaming smile is forgiving of all manners of dental imperfections.
Why? Because it tells us that you are happy.
You better believe that after swiping through hundreds of profiles of miserable looking men, any kind of authentic smile is going to catch someone’s eye.
If you have a face and a mobile phone, you can take a good profile photo.
It may take some uncomfortable and awkward practice runs and a photo gallery that makes you blush, but you’re home alone, so who gives a fuck!
Once you have ONE good opening photo that shows your face, build out your profile with a few more snaps that show your full body and a couple of photos that show us what you’re passionate about (e.g. windsurfing, playing the kazoo, cooking, dancing with friends, World of Warcraft, etc.). If you don’t have snap-happy friends doing this for you, then set your phone on a timer and do it selfie-style.
If you want to match with a legit woman who is curious about you, one photo isn’t going to cut it.
Once your photos are on point, PLEASE, PLEASE add some text to your profile that says something more than your numerical description (your height, weight or real age) and/or your hobbies told through the illustration of emoji.
That’s right, we want words in your profile!
Better yet — short, full sentences.
*Swooooooon*
Here’s an example of intriguing profile text:
We want to know whether we might find something to like about you other than your looks. If we’re swiping for anything other than a hook-up, we need more than a pretty face and appealing body.
A good profile should include these four features:
- A recent, in-focus, close-up photo of your smiling face as your FIRST photo
- 2–3 recent, in-focus photos that show your body type (and height) and what interests you
- Text that tells us that you’re a (real) person (yep, there are bots/escorts we’re swiping through too), an (authentic) person and a person with more to offer other than your appearance (like the ability to form full sentences)
- What you’re looking for: hookup, casual dating, a (potential) relationship (monogamous, open to non-monogamy, poly, FWB, etc) or whatever floats your boat
Take a minute to audit your profile. If it has these four things, you’ll stand out against your competition and increase your matches.
Tip #2 — Once you match, send a message that tells us you looked through our ENTIRE profile
Unless you’re smoking hot, chances are that your phone is not lighting up with matches. So, make sure you milk the matches you do get by avoiding opening a chat with “hey/hi/’sup”. Instead, do what a lot of women do before evaluating whether to let a match stand or unmatch: look through the person’s entire profile. Do any of the photos tell you something about that person? Is there some aspect of their text that resonates with you? Send them a message about that, and never, ever start a chat with commentary on appearance.
It’s simple — if a woman wants you to learn more about her from her profile, she’s going to connect her Instagram and Spotify accounts. If you want to get her attention, show that you actually took 10 seconds to figure out what she’s trying to convey.
And make no mistake, if a woman battle-hardened by dating apps wants to limit her dose of daily douchebaggery, she is sure as shit going to run your name through Google/LinkedIn/Facebook, etc., to see if you’re worth her time.
Your time is just as valuable, do the same. We all win.
Tip #3 — Exchange messages for a day or two and then ask for a date
Most of us aren’t on Tinder to spend hours of our day chatting with a stranger. I have a two-day chat rule — if we have been chatting for days with no attempt from either of us to meet in person, I unmatch.
There is a sweet spot though. Too much chat and the risk of either party losing interest increases. Too little chat indicates apathy.
Before I spend time with you, I want to know that you’re not a creep, can hold a conversation and show an interest in getting to know me better.
If you hate chatting, may I suggest that you only chat with 2–3 women at the same time, and then move on if a date doesn’t materialise?
I hear a lot of complaints from guys that they end up chatting with 10+ women and never go on dates. Start putting more effort into the women you are genuinely interested in, instead of spreading yourself too thin.
If you ask for a date and she’s being non-committal or stringing you along, unmatch!
So, to summarise:
1. Make your profile better than your competition
2. Once matched, show us you took time to read our profile and send thoughtful opening messages
3. Set boundaries on your chat time and ask for that date early!
If both sides of the swipe game start sharing their experiences, we can mutually improve our experience. After all, we’re all on Tinder for the same thing: to meet someone that we enjoy spending time with.
If you want other tips on navigating the apps, check out:
