Online Dating
Nowadays, a lot of individuals are looking for different ways to meet new people and create long-lasting relationships. These relationships aren’t all about long-term romance though, as online dating has evolved into something more than just finding someone to spend your life with. Today, there is a variety of online dating sites made for different purposes as well as for a variety of different social groups, but is this method of dating preferred than the traditional method of meeting in person? In this study, I would not only like to explore the variety of purposes online dating apps are used and the variety of social groups that use these sites, but also would like to answer this question: Is the outcome of online dating successful and mostly preferred than offline dating? Online dating has since been evolving just as technology is evolving, accommodating it’s features for specific types of social groups they may be targeting in today’s society, but do relationships last if you first meet off of an online dating site? Does online dating work better if you use synchronous or asynchronous communication? I hope to find the answer to these questions as I explore the multiplicities of online dating.
Since online dating is a broad based community, I’d like to categorize what I will be exploring and researching while also matching an online dating site towards each category in order to include a focus for each. These would include:
· Online dating for younger and older generations: Match
· Online dating for long-term relationships: OkCupid
· Online dating for hooking up: Tinder
· Online dating for same sex genders: Bumble and Grindr
· Online dating for same racial backgrounds: BlackPeopleMeet
There are many different types of online dating sites that target specific kinds of social groups. These are just some of what I will be exploring and talking about throughout my study while also determining whether or not these methods work better than traditionally meeting in-person. The answer will be different between younger and older generations.
Online Dating for Younger and Older Generations
There is a multitude of differences between the younger and the older. This includes preferences in dating. While there are online dating sites that target specific age groups and work better for those specific age groups, there are also sites that welcome both.
Match is a dating site that allows both younger and older generations to meet, with a special section that separates seniors who prefer to be matched with people their own age. CEO of Match Group Mandy Ginsberg states there are several components to finding your ultimate match, “They include what you say (that you like and dislike), what you actually do, (e.g., contact someone with characteristics you say you don’t want), what others like you do, and historical data” (after55). Match is known to be one of the most popular dating sites there is. I am sure you have at least seen their commercial once on television. The site launched in 1995, being the longest running online dating site in the U.S. It makes me wonder what the overall success rate in relationships are for this site because of how long this online dating site has been running.
“Match has facilitated more first dates, relationships and marriages than any other dating site in existence” (datingadvice). According to dating advice’s review on the site, Match has an overall rating of 4.9 out 5 stars with 39.7 million active users in which 32% are millennials, 39% are Gen Xers, and 27% are baby boomers (datingadvice).
The main purpose of this site has been used to look for serious relationships, which seems to have a long-lasting lifespan, but not necessarily leading onto the anticipated wedding that most are usually hoping for, “Match is the place where you can find a serious, long-term relationship without the looming pressure of marriage” (Mashable). The site has a number of success stories to defend its name.
Online Dating for Long-Term Relationships
Match has been and still is an online dating site with numerous success stories that proves it is effective in long-lasting relationships as well as a dating site made to be for long-term relationships. Another site that is similar to Match, but only in the long-term department is OkCupid. OkCupid is considered a dating site where you can expect a long-term relationship because of the in-depth questions it requires in order to be matched with specific people. “OkCupid powers its compatibility ratings by drawing from thousands of personal questions ranging from ‘Do you like the taste of beer’ to ‘how many children do you want to have?’” (Datingadvice). The more questions answered, the higher rate of an accurate compatibility. The in-depth questionnaire ranging from broad to nitpicky answers also singles out this dating app as one that only allows individuals who are interested in serious dating to use the site, though the site also has its share of individuals who aren’t really looking to be serious. It eliminates the process of asking those questions yourself, as you normally would when on a traditional in-person date, and are matched immediately with people that you described in your answers. “OkCupid’s questionnaire does allow users to be clear about who they are and what they’re looking for, and even screen out qualities they want to avoid” (Tylt). You wouldn’t face the disappointment of finding a deal breaker in your match, unless you weren’t specific enough in your answers. So is there an overall success rate for OkCupid? Not as accurate as Match, but there have been a few success stories and a few unsuccessful stories. The unsuccessful stories include individuals who’d rather use online dating sites for a different purpose other than for a long-lasting relationship.
Online Dating for Hooking Up
Many individuals who weren’t fans of OkCupid were those who preferred online dating apps such as Tinder. Tinder is the location-based modern app of online dating, where all you have to do is swipe right if you like the profile or swipe left if you don’t. This app is often known to be for those who are looking only for hooks ups, as the system seems like you are shopping for someone attractive to spend time with. “There are times when Tinder is incredibly off-putting — for its offensively dismissive attitude that dehumanizes people so that the only merit they have are their good looks” (Vulcan Post). Those who defend the app and enjoy their time using it say that the app is actually not just for hooking up and the system is easy enough to use and understand. There isn’t a long wait of answering questions when, in the end, all you want is to see their profile pictures: “Although many deride Tinder as the “hook-up” app, a lot of people appreciate that it just cuts right to the chase” (Tylt). The way the app functions makes it seem like users are playing a game, which could be true in the sense of how you look at what online dating really consists of.
Maybe online dating, or dating itself, is just a game that people play to meet and eventually move on or keep going until you form your own family.
Tinder seems to think it is a game: “Tinder even changed the option ‘Keep Swiping’ that you receive after matching with someone, to ‘Keep Playing’, further cementing its position as an app that’s gamifying the dating scene” (Vulcan Post). Despite it’s apparent dehumanizing appearance, it seems that the app caters to women the most, which makes this app very popular and often preferred than most traditional online dating sites. Women have often had the uncomfortable experience of receiving messages from people they haven’t even considered on typical online dating sites, but Tinder works where you can only message each other if you and that person swiped right. As popular as Tinder has become, does this actually work better than the traditional way of meeting new people? “The 30-year-old Jess Flores of Virginia Beach got married to her first and only Tinder date this past October, and she says they likely would have never met if it weren’t for the app” (The Atlantic). It seems like Tinder is able to work just as well as other online dating sites and could be paving the way for future online dating apps.
Online Dating for Same-Sex Genders
Online dating apps such as Tinder includes a setting where you are able to generate which gender you prefer to be swiping through, but if they were interested in their twin gender is not known, unless they swiped right for you too. There are online dating sites that were made to fit same-sex genders. These include Bumble for women and Grindr for men.
Grindr is a location-based app that is specifically geared towards gay, bi, trans and queer people who are interested in looking for nearby hook-ups. This online dating site is specifically popular because of this purpose and has been the first online dating site to pave the way for other apps such as Tinder and other location-based apps. “Gay hook-up websites such as Gaydar were already used by millions. But Grindr changed the game by using the iPhone’s satellite location data to let people discover other men nearby” (BBC). According to Grindr, it has about four million daily users in about 200 countries in 2019.
On the other hand, Bumble is an online dating app that is not just for dating, with similar assets as Tinder. While Grindr is an app made just for men, Bumble is an app that caters to women but can be used by everyone. The main thing about this online dating app is that only the women are able to send the first message, which is the opposite of what traditional dating consists of. “We’ve made it not only necessary but acceptable for women to make the first move, shaking up outdated gender norms” (Bumble). It seems that this system of having women make the first move works out just fine for this diverse online dating site, not just for women but for men as well. According to Bumble’s national survey conducted in March, 63% of men said that women making the first move was influential in making them want to use Bumble and 97% [of women] have messaged their matches in the last month. What makes Bumble a diverse online dating site is the fact that it goes beyond just being a single dating site. It offers the ability to create friendships, make new work-based connections, and the opportunity to become a mentor.
“Bumble has now grown far beyond a dating app into a networking platform, allowing people of all genders to make empowered connections in all areas of their lives, whether that means you’re seeking a romantic relationship on Bumble Date, making new friendships on Bumble BFF, or growing your professional network on Bumble Bizz.”
-Whitney Wolfe Herd (Founder and CEO of Bumble)
Bumble is truly an app that should be considered as the new modern online dating app where relationships don’t always have to be romantic after all.
Online Dating with same racial background
Last but not least in this community of online dating, we also have online dating sites that cater to one specific race for individuals who are looking to make connections with their own. Founded in 2002, BlackPeopleMeet has proven itself to be the largest black dating site for singles in the U.S. The purpose of this online dating site is not limited to just finding romance. It has shown that you are able to make friends and connections in this site as well. “Thousands of African-American and biracial men and women use this platform to search for friendship, romance, and love online” (datingadvice). Sometimes, regular online dating sites are not enough for individuals if one has a specific preference. Sites such as BlackPeopleMeet allow users to feel comfortable in their own circle and find someone they think will relate to them the most. “Beyond typical online dating, BlackPeopleMeet is a focused community dedicated to black dating. No need to bother with any other dating sites” (BlackPeopleMeet). Apart from online dating sites used specifically by one race, there are also online dating sites that cater to religion as well, like Christian Mingle. According to dating advice, the overall rating for the BlackPeopleMeet is 4 stars out of 5, with 5.7 million visits a month and over 5 million members in its network.
The online dating community is growing day by day, with these online dating sites renewing each year and accommodating to what is new with technology and what is popular today with the younger crowd. As more and more people tune into the new way of dating, is traditional dating really dead? The reason as to why online dating is successful in modern society is because of the fact that technology is evolving. Many of our younger generations rely on technology to do most things, so it is only normal to be meeting new people online, especially if it’s meeting people who do not live in your area. The problem with traditional dating is that here, you are exposing yourself to someone you do not know, which is something that is not a problem if you use asynchronous or synchronous communication.
Synchronous and Asynchronous Communication
Dating online has become popular because you are able to communicate with others synchronously or asynchronously, depending on the person. Each method of communication is popular with different kinds of social groups. While synchronous communication may be popular with older generations, asynchronous communication is popular with younger generations. The reason behind this is because the younger generation often finds themselves busy with their day to day lives, so using asynchronous communication allows them to answer when the time is right for them.
“Asynchronous communication also means that we don’t have to deal with the immediate reaction of those we are interacting with…The possibility of moving in and out of a conversation — returning when we are ready and prepared — and the absence of ‘a continuous feedback loop that reinforces some behaviors and extinguishes others’ enables us to feel safer, and to formulate our thoughts more freely” (Lindgren 91–92).
Younger generations believe in reading a text and answering elaborately with time, while older generations believe in an actual conversation. Synchronous communication is basically what a conversation is: both parties are active in the conversation which means there is no waiting for the other person to reply. Whether online dating works better with either style of communication really depends on the person who is interacting with others through these online dating sites.
Why is Online Dating Successful?
So, is online dating really preferred than traditional offline dating? If you look at the number of individuals who sign up for online dating sites as well as those who simply visit these sites, the answer to this question might be yes. The reason behind this might be because of how fast technology is evolving.
Younger generations will be born into this era of technology and might only know that the single form of dating is done online and this is probably because older generations have paved that way for them.
We are expected to see that these generations will be unfamiliar with having a conversation because of how much exposure they have with technology. “When I ask people ‘what’s wrong with having a conversation?’ People say, ‘I’ll tell you what’s wrong with having a conversation. It takes place in real time and you can’t control what you’re going to say’” (Turkle 06:27–19:48). It’s similar to asking our children or siblings to play outside than to stay inside playing video games all day. Whether online dating is preferred than the traditional method of dating, I also believe this is depending on the individual and the generation. Older generations might choose to do the traditional method of dating because of the fact that they are unable to understand how technology works. There aren’t that many online dating sites that target seniors because they are older, therefore traditional dating is still alive today. Younger generations might choose to do online dating because they are so accommodated with technology. It is also much easier to meet new people who live in other areas rather than become friendly with the people they already knew that live in their own area. It is why online dating works better for younger generations than does traditional offline dating.
The Negative of Online Dating
While online dating first sounds like fun and games, it also has its dangers. The most common thing that happens in online dating that most hope to avoid is someone who is a catfish, which is when someone pretends to be someone that they aren’t online. Founders of online dating sites have tried their best to eliminate anyone who is a catfish, but even yet, it is hard to track who is and who isn’t. There is also the unfortunate case of the person you knew online not being the same way when you meet them in person and that is probably because “who we are online is not who we are in real life” (The Cut). This doesn’t only occur in online dating, but is also frequent in social media. We try to appeal ourselves to others in a way we believe will be attractive so as to gain followers, or matches. Trust is the first step into joining the online dating community. You need to trust that who you meet will trust who you really are, rather than create someone you believe will be liked. You also need to trust that the person you are speaking with after being matched is the person they say they are, though you can only really know until you meet them in person, and that’s the scary part of online dating.
Within the community of online dating, you are able to find a diverse group of people, from young and old to straight and gay. These online dating sites are not just for dating anymore, but have been able to expand into a bigger kind of network platform where you are able to make new friends and connections that could expand your career. Online dating may be taking over traditional offline dating, but it doesn’t mean that traditional dating is dead or that online dating is better. If one feels comfortable meeting people online, then that is their platform. There are others who feel confident in walking up to someone and introducing themselves outside while others feel that this approach is too difficult. In any sense, online dating is becoming successful in modern times such as today, as we live through this pandemic and as we go about life with technology evolving around us daily.
References
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