There is no friend as loyal as a book
To what extent are Children’s books on grief proving beneficial to those experiencing loss?
A few weeks ago, The Independent released an article providing parents and carers with a short list of books to help teach their children about the difficult and sensetive topic of pet bereavment.
Bereavement is a topic which is ever-present in our daily lives but is simultaneously readily avoided by parents until it is no longer inescapable. Bologna (2020) states that ‘death and grief are natural parts of the human experience, but addressing such heavy topics with kids can seem daunting.’ Similarly, the unspoken challenge of educating someone on grief — especially a child, is not an easy matter.
Despite this, many children’s books are now being used as tools to help console and combat children who have experienced this difficult emotional state. Yet, what benefit are these books actually having on children? Are they simply there to fill a gap in the market or do they actually have the power of a friend?
1. Subtle development of coping skills
Nathan (2019) states that when children are grieving it is paramount that ‘they come to you rather than you seeking them out.’ As a child begins to process the obtrusive notion of loss it essential that they do so in their own time. Children’s books can embody the role of a gatekeeper between a child and others during this time, it is an object which doesn’t force an individual to open up to anyone but themselves.
Similarly, it has been noted that ‘books are subtle enough to help your child learn coping skills without them feeling like they are being forced upon them.’ Therefore, reinforcing the idea that the independent reading of a story can be a gentle push for children to understand their current situation.
2. Making sense of the inexplicable
Writers can use words and images to help children understand emotions and feelings. The bereavement charity Winston’s Wish said ‘stories played an important role in helping children make sense of death.’ As loss is such a difficult topic to explain, stories are given the ideal role of describing it in a careful manner. Therefore, reiterating the notion that ‘there are many ways to dive into this conversation, and one powerful approach is through books.’
Where is Uncle Al? (2020, Hibbs & Harrison) is a children’s story that specifically tackles this idea of death and the inexplicable. One reviewer states, ‘we learn how to talk to children about death and how to help them find a place in their imaginations for someone they’ve never had the chance to meet.’ Perhaps books can do what a parent has struggled to do before.
3. Escapism and relief
Finally, much like a needed friend, books on grief appear to help in our time of need. Months after her mother passing away, Buxbaum (2016) states ‘soon I stumbled upon my own secret prescription, one I’ve returned to during the innumerable times I’ve struggled since: books.’ She furthers this and explains that bibliotherapy and escapism is what she needed to help her distance the hard hitting truth of loss. Consequently, signifying the important role that books have as our nearest and dearest. It appears that reading ‘gives us hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that we can learn to live with our sorrow.’
Overall, perhaps literature’s way of being a saving grace is carefully combined in watercolour and print. Maybe books will always be the very escape into our imagination that we need in times of hardship. However, one thing is clear ‘as never-ending as the process of mourning may be, when going through a difficult time, books can provide solace and words of comfort.’ (Wait-Taylor, 2020).
Bibliography —
Barnes & Noble (2018) ’11 Books to help children cope with the loss of a parent’ https://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/kids/7-books-to-help-a-child-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-parent/ [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
BBC News (2020) ‘Children’s grief book about ‘hope’ not ‘darkness’ https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-53022505 [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
Bologna (2020) ’25 Children’s Books That Explain Death and Grief to kids’ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/childrens-books-death-grief_l_5fa38deec5b660630aee43fd [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
Bologna (2018) ‘How to talk to your kids about death and grief’ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-death-and-grief_n_5be8eaa4e4b0769d24cecdee [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
Buxbaum (2016) ‘8 Unexpected Ways Books Can Help You Through Grief’ https://www.bustle.com/articles/151288-8-unexpected-ways-books-can-help-you-through-grief-and-loss [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
BreathNach (2021) ‘Books to help you talk about pet bereavement with your child’ https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/kids/child-pet-bereavement-books-b1789346.html [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
Goodreads (2021) ‘Where is Uncle Al?’ https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56562292-where-is-uncle-al [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
Grief & Sympathy (2018) ‘Why Read Books on Death and Grief’ https://www.griefandsympathy.com/books-on-death-and-grief.html [Online] Accessed feb 8th 2021
Nathan (2019) ‘When Children Grieve’ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/tales-grief/201903/when-children-grieve [Online] Accessed 8th Feb 2021
Wait-Taylor (2020) ‘National Grief Awareness Week: Books that can help processloss’https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/books/national-grief-awareness-week-book-loss-b1765190.html [Online] Accessed Feb 8th 2021
