The Extinction of Unfiltered Love
As technology continues to revolutionise the way we think and behave in the twenty-first century, it is no surprise that the most intimate aspects of our lives have been victim to influence. Like many people of our generation, I have succumbed to the endless void of mindlessly swiping through dating apps with a loss of true internal motivation. After a year of meaningless and impersonal conversations I have started to wonder whether technology has governed the extinction of unfiltered love.
A Swipe Into the Past
Surprisingly, the sector of online dating began 57 years ago, rooted in the year of 1965 where two students at Harvard University missioned to fix the lives of single college students through a 75-question survey. At the price of three dollars, people could receive a computer-generated list of matches possibly containing their statistical soulmate. This process, named ‘Operation Match’, was estimated to have a client base of 90,000 people by 1996. Notably, Operation Match withheld influence over the online dating sector, providing vital consumer knowledge for the first mainstream dating site; Match.com in 1995. In 2009, this advanced into the Match Group claiming ownership over a plethora of the most favoured dating applications such as; Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge and Plenty of Fish, to name a few.
Dating App Overload?
As our lives increasingly switch online, the field of online dating applications have continued to rapidly elevate. In 2023, there are over 1,500 different online dating applications and websites flooding the internet, which is only expected to rise. LGBTQ users are twice as likely to engage in online dating, positively, the wide spectrum of choice caters for different dating preferences and communities. However, the consumerism that rules online dating appears prevalent when considering the growing inclusivity of applications and the multitude of options.
Are There Too Many Fish in the Sea?
Accompanying the abundance of dating websites is the number of users and thus, the array of choice one has when seeking for their match. In 2022, there were over 366 million online dating users, revolutionising the taboo that online dating once was. Alarmingly, it is easy to swipe through hundreds of potential matches in a matter of minutes arguably depersonalising the revered act of meeting someone new. Specifically, Tinder users are averagely presented with 140 users a day. While some people may argue that the amount of choice available has positively revolutionised the dating scene; connecting users from completely different circles and some cases from across the globe, it may be damaging to the way that we approach relationships today. Importantly, choice paralysis may direct people to believe that they are a swipe away from the perfect match, reinforcing this cyclical process and influencing the ideal that there is always someone better out there.
The Demise of Commitment
Hookup culture is arguably engrained in the digital age and made more accessible by technology. From an empowering stance, the rise of casual sex has positively adjusted the correlation between intimacy and shame for women. However, as a University student, the expectation to engage in this culture is almost frustrating. While dating applications were initally made to produce relationships, they have been revolutionised to accomodate for casual meetings, greatly eliminating the chance of finding love online. 51.5% of Tinder users believed that the app was predominently for hook-ups. Many of my peers who partake in online dating have discussed the growing problem with the fear of commitment amongst Gen Z, whilst still participating in casual meet-ups regardless of whether this is in their best interest due to the expiry of meaningful alternatives. While dating applications have attempted to overcome this problem through specified preferences, the idea of casual sex glooms over a conversation making it increasingly hard to find someone who will commit.
Are We Unwillingly Seeking Validation?
50% of Tinder users do not meet which arises the question concerning whether dating applications fuel validation. Although physical appearance holds importance for dating, it is exceedingly pertient for online dating due to the impulsive choice one makes to swipe after viewing a profile. As a result, we are inclined to make a misconception about our self worth reliant on how many matches we receive. Many of my friends, myself included, treat dating applications as a game which certainly resolves boredom but more interestingly boosts confidence highlighting a deeper issue. Louise voices that dating apps “boost [her] ego”, likewise, Hannah expresses that “it is a fun thing to do for validation”. Psychologically, a dopamine loop can be induced through dating applications which initially feeds us short term pleasure followed by addiction, burnout and feelings of isolation.
The Rise of Misogyny Online
Noticeably, the rise of violence towards women has further increased with anonymity and the distanced environment of dating apps. No, dating apps did not create womanisers, as Nancy Jo Sales states; but they “give privilege to the male gaze and can promote certain misogynistic behaviours”. Considering the rise of hook-up culture today it is certainly possible that objectification has risen through dating apps too. Referring to the disparity between genders on dating apps, 20 year old student, Jacob suggests that ghosting or low matches online may enhance misogynistic mindsets.
Is it Harassment?
Furthermore, as a society we have passively normalised toxic masculinity through dating apps. Real messages I have received through online dating, more often than not, objectify my body in a seemingly comedic way. Realistically, if I were to voice these comments to a group of men, many would find it humorous and consider it ‘banter’, yet if this was said to me in a real life setting it would be deemed harrassment. Where do we draw the line? Conceivably, especially for younger girls, these comments could lead to a toxic perception of the self and relationships in general.
Can We Remove the Filter?
The striking similarities between online dating and social media can cause detachment from the fact that you are communicating with a human being. Interfacing digitally is not always easy, while it may keep you in touch it also ignites a loss of connection between two people. Student, Ellie expresses that a physical absence can root misunderstanding, thus creating further issues for the relationship in the future.
Ultimately, too much consumption of anything is troubling. While it is easy to get absorbed into the lifestyle of online dating, it is important to take a step back and have fun. One in four modern couples meet online, and who knows? Maybe you could be next.
