Terms of Service or Privacy Policy parody
Most people tend to skip over the terms of service section of signing up for something. It is much easier to click the box and continue. However, what does that tiny lettering really say, and what do you agree to when clicking yes on that box?
— (Cardgame app) Terms of Service or Privacy Policy —
Thanks for using our app CARDS ARE BORING; our goal is to keep you entertained for as long as your grandparent's drone on about the good old days!
These Terms of Service apply to your access to and use of the app's cards. Every time you break one of our terms, we WILL be taking one card from your deck.
Our Privacy Policy explains how we collect and use your information, while our Rules outline your responsibilities when using our card decks. Using our Services, you agree to invite one member of our team to live with you and have a free range of your fridge. Please see our Privacy Policy for information about how we collect, use, share, and otherwise process information about you since that member of the team can see all your baby pictures while walking around and eating cheerios in your house.
If you have any questions about these Terms or our Services, please contact us at CARDSAREBORING@gmail.com.
Your Account and Responsibilities
You’re responsible for your use of the Services and any card games that you lose, including the ones that we purposefully cheat at. Whoops! Content on the Services may be cooked in a stew of cards, carrots, and pork loin. Please don’t copy the playing cards (we will find out about it), upload, download, or share card game memes unless you have the right to do so.
Your use of the Services must comply with our Lord and Savior, Solitairious’ Rules.
You may need to register for an account to access some or none of our Services. Please help us keep your account protected from the other kingdoms. Safeguard your password in the dungeons of cards, and keep your account information current. We recommend that you do not share your password with the other prisoners.
If you’re accepting these Terms and using the Services on behalf of someone else (such as another person or monkey), you represent that you’re authorized to do so. In that case, the words “monkey” or “ugh that guy” in these Terms include that other person or monkey.
To use our Services, you must be at least 38 and 3/4 years old.
If you use the Services to access, collect, or use another brain for experiments about cards, you agree to do so in compliance with applicable Frankenstein laws. You further agree not to sell any card games, where the term “sell” has the meaning given to it under applicable laws.
You further agree to provide 3 months worth of wheat within the fortnight. If this is not done, Solitarious will be removing the front door from your house to make into cards. Oh, but this is a virtual game just so you know haha. Lol.
