The Paradox of Parenting

How to be a great parent while having some free time for yourself

When you are with your baby, time can go by very slowly. Like a turtle that smoked too much weed slow. But when you look back at the end of the day, you realize that you had no time for yourself. This, my friends, is the Paradox of Parenting. But fear not, I have cracked the code!

My wife works in a hospital, which means she works 2 out of 4 weekends a month and other odd hours. As a result, I have spent a lot of time taking care of Maya by myself. Planning a day is much different for a baby. With an adult, you wake up at 8, eat lunch at 12, dinner at 7, and sleep at 10. Since babies take multiple naps, the day breaks down into ~2–3 hour blocks of time that you need to fill up. This sounds like a good thing…but it’s just a tease.

A few months ago, I remember sitting with Maya and trying to figure out what to do to pass some time (she must have been ~4-5 months at the time, so solo outings were too daunting). It was 10:30 AM. I decided to read her a book, so I picked up “Blue Hat, Green Hat” by Sandra Boynton and dove right in. “Green shoes, yellow shoes, blue shoes…Oops.” Once finished, I checked my phone…10:33. “F**k!” I thought to myself. I picked up a longer book and decided to go through it more deliberately this time. I read through it as slow as humanly possible — remember that turtle, yea like that. I turned over the last page, checked the phone again…10:38. Sigh. “There has got to be a better way!” Gentlemen, there is.

In the world of investing, yield is an important metric. Simply stated, it’s the income return on an investment. For example, Ford currently pays a $0.60 dividend, which equates to a 4.8% yield off their current stock price (according to Yahoo Finance). Just like we think of yield when it comes to money, we also need to think of yield when it comes to our time and how we can maximize the return on our time. Yes, when we are with our children we should be giving them a lot of attention and stimulating their minds so that they become bums when they grow up. But here’s the thing: for children, almost everything is new. And if it’s new, by definition it’s a learning experience.

I was watching Maya alone for about 5 hours the other day. Among other things, here’s what I accomplished while she was awake:

• Washed and folded 2 loads of laundry
• Cut, steamed, and prepared over 3 days worth of baby meals
• Cooked dinner
• Washed dishes

Remember, I did all this while she was awake. That’s the operative word.

What you need to do is flip the script. Common wisdom suggests playing with baby when she’s awake and taking care of chores when she’s taking a nap. But there’s only so much playing you can do in a given 2 hour interval, so mix it up. When she’s taking a nap, use some of it for me time — read a book, browse, watch a few minutes of ESPN. And when she wakes up, once you get feeding and some playing out of the way, multitask.

When I need to get work done in the kitchen, I prop Maya in her high chair, give her a few toys and some cracker bits to keep her occupied. As I’m working, I continuously talk to her to keep her engaged. Eventually she gets bored and starts freaking out so I take her out. But in that duration, I get a few things done that will free up some time for me later.

In order for this to work, you need to have self restraint and foresight. For example, I’ve told my wife on multiple occasions to fold the laundry when Maya is awake — Maya actually enjoys it because you can play peekaboo with the clothes. But she invariably gets antsy and ends up just doing it while Maya is asleep because she has nothing else to do at that moment and/or feels guilty that she should be playing with the baby when awake. Regarding foresight, keep those carved out tasks (those can be completed start-to-finish in short bursts) in your back pocket to work on as per the guidance above.

Times goes by faster, the baby learns new things (if she watches you cook, maybe she will become a cook; watching you do laundry will teach her discipline), you get things done, and you free up time for yourself.

QED