Toddler Food Power Rankings
The definitive guide to kids’ favorite foods
Transitioning to solid food is one of the biggest milestones a parent looks forward to because of the enticing promise of normalcy that comes along with it. In theory, once you have a toddler fully capable of eating solid foods, she will be able to eat the exact same foods you do. This implies a huge increase in efficiency as you don’t have to create separate meals for her, it’s much easier to go out to eat, etc. Alas, kids are kids and things are never as easy as it seems. Sometimes, they just don’t want to eat what you made for dinner that day. Even the most disciplined parents throw in the towel from time and say “Screw it, let’s just make some Mac n Cheese.”
With that, I present to you the world’s definitive Toddler Food Power Rankings. First, the criteria:
- Ease: How easy is it to make? When your child has thrown his plate on the ground and is about to lose his shit, how quickly can you have a meal-saver on his tray?
- Taste: If you give a child ice cream, she’ll eat it 10 out of 10 times. Unfortunately, you can’t always do that, so is this food tasty enough that she’ll eat it even if she’s in a bad mood?
- Clean up: When your child’s down eating this, can she just get up and go about her business or does she need to head straight to the bath (while not caring about the stack of dishes in the sink that need to be cleaned)
- Healthiness: Sometimes your objective is to just get through the meal, which means this dimension occasionally takes a back seat. But we still want our kids to eat healthy options as much as possible.
For each dimension, my wife and I independently rated each of these items on a scale of 1–5, with 5 being the highest. My score is listed first, hers is second.
5. Mac N’ Cheese
Ease: 3+4 = 7 pts
Taste: 4+3 = 7 pts
Clean up: 2.5+3 = 5.5 pts
Healthiness: 3+3 = 6 pts
Total: 25.5 points
In a surprising upset on par with the United States missing the World Cup, mac n’ cheese finds itself last on this list. To be honest, I find this very surprising. That staple of our worth is definitely a staple in our pantry. We know Maya will eat a solid amount whenever we make it. Working against mac n’ cheese is what I call the “workhorse effect” — it’s guaranteed to be reliable, but doesn’t stand out on any particular dimension so gets lost in the fray. Mac N’ Cheese, we still love you!
4. Cheese Quesadilla (tie)
Ease: 4.5+3.5 = 8 pts
Taste: 2.5+4 = 6.5 pts
Clean up: 4+3 = 7 pts
Healthiness: 2.5+2 = 4.5 pts
Total: 26 points
Full disclosure, we probably eat too much quesadillas for our own good. My standard Taco Bell order consists of a Mexican Pizza “with beans and no beef” ;) and a chicken quesadilla ever since they got rid of Baja Chicken Gorditas. At home, my wife makes cheese quesadillas for herself so often that I’m surprised she only gave it a 3.5 on ease. There’s nothing really great about quesadillas but there’s nothing really wrong with them either. Kids love anything with cheese, so they can be counted on to get the job done without creating much mess.
4. Pizza (tie)
Ease: 1+2 = 3 pts
Taste: 5+5 = 10 pts
Clean up: 5+4 = 9 pts
Healthiness: 2+2 = 4 pts
Total: 26 points
Everybody in the world loves pizza, including toddlers, so why did it rank so low on this list? The key assumption here is that you have to order pizza and go pick it up/have it delivered, which knocks it way down on the Ease dimension. Making pizza at home is certainly doable, but it’s not that easy either, and you can certainly hack it by making a bread pizza — put some pasta sauce and cheese on a bread and toast it in the oven, but then it would be a “bread pizza” and not a “pizza.”
3. Pasta
Ease: 3+4 = 7 pts
Taste: 5+4 = 9pts
Clean up: 1.5+2= 3.5 pts
Healthiness: 3.5+4 = 7.5 pts
Total: 27 points
Prior to creating these rankings, pasta would have been the odds-on favorite to win. It doesn’t require skill to make, it tastes good, and kids love it…heck, give me a bowl of spaghetti + Prego sauce + melted cheese + touch of black pepper and I’m happy. Unfortunately, pasta gets knocked dinged solely because of this:
2. Chicken Nuggets
Ease: 5+5 = 10 pts
Taste: 2+3 = 5pts
Clean up: 5+5= 10 pts
Healthiness: 2+3 = 5 pts
Total: 30 points
Ah, McDonald’s greatest gift to mankind. I remember when I was in business school, we’d occasionally pound through a 40-piece nuggets meal after a long night of, um, “networking.” Even though frozen nuggets have come a long way from those dino days of our youth (they now have organic nuggets!), they still taste like cardboard and are still unhealthy. But riding their extreme convenience — just pop it in the toaster oven/microwave, no clean up needed — nuggets surprisingly vault themselves up to the #2 spot.
- Eggs (w/ cheese)
Ease: 4+4.5= 8.5 pts
Taste: 3+3.5 = 6.5 pts
Clean up: 3+4 = 7 pts
Healthiness: 3.5+5 = 8.5 pts
Total: 30.5 points
In a huge surprise upset, eggs come out on top of the Toddler Power Rankings. Eggs are definitely easy to make, they’re quick (unlike pasta, which requires 10+ minutes to boil), there’s no sauces so doesn’t create a mess, and fairly easy to clean if you use a non-stick pan. Looking at the ratings, my wife giving it a 5/5 on health pushed it over the top. Sure, eggs are a good source of protein and even though they are high in cholesterol, you can argue that’s a good thing for children (hello, myelin sheaths). I didn’t give any of these items a 5/5 on health because I reserve that score for a well-rounded, fully balanced meal (e.g., protein, veggie, fat, carb). However, seems like the protein dimension was good enough for my wife…that, or a chicken came to our house yesterday and bribed her.
I guess you can say eggs are the 2016 Cleveland Cavaliers of these power rankings — you look up at the end of the series and are like, “What, how the hell did they win?” Hats off, huevos!
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