Butter Me Up Butter Bot

I woke up to my dad knocking on my door. “Rise and shine Timmy! I bet you can’t wait to go to the zoo today”. “I don’t really care dad, as I said tiredly. I just want to sleep”. “Well, you can’t just spend your weekend laying in bed like a fat pig”, said my dad. “UGH! Fine! I’ll wake up now. Will you leave me alone?” as I sat upright frustratingly. “Well, your mom made pancakes, so hurry up and get dressed”. As I walked into the kitchen, my grandpa and dad were already sitting at the kitchen table helping themselves to heaps of pancakes, while my mom was putting cooked sausages on my plate. “Hurry and eat up! We should be leaving real soon before the line gets really crowded my mom said excitingly. Where exactly are you people going and why am I not told about this”, exclaimed my grandpa. “Timmy and I actually have something planned”. “What?” I said surprisedly, “you didn’t tell me we were going anywhere today”. “We’re going to the zoo today and we told you a week ago, said my dad who was starting to get annoyed. “Shut up, Jeffrey! You don’t even have a job. Maybe use that time to find a job instead” snapped grandpa. “Now pass the butter, my pancake is starting to get dry”. “I don’t appreciate your attitude, pass it yourself”. “Well screw you, bum”. My grandpa began pulling metal, wires, and screws out of his pocket and started tinkering on the junk. Two minutes later he managed to make a small robot. The robot immediately turned on and asked “what’s my purpose?”. “Pass the butter” said grandpa. The robot drove its tiny wheels over to the butter and dragged it to grandpa’s side of the table. “Thank you” said grandpa as he slathered a huge chunk of butter onto his pancake. “Yeah! That’s the good stuff right there, anyways Timmy and I are going to gazorbazorp today to grab me some fancy booze”. “Aw jeez grandpa, I think it’s better for me to go to the zoo with mom and dad today” as I said reluctantly thinking of the many times I almost got killed going on an adventure with my grandpa. “What is my purpose” asked the robot again. “You pass butter little buddy” grandpa said with an apathetic tone. The robot looked down at his tiny rod arms and hung its head in shame as it made beep boop sounds before driving away. “Geez gramps, you just gave that little guy an existential crisis!”, I cried. “Who cares, let’s go!”.

As we headed towards the garage, I turned to take a look at the little robot who had jumped off the table and landed on the floor. He was still functioning, but his left arm came off from the impact. As we headed towards the garage, I turned to take another look at the butter bot but it felt like it was glaring at Rick directly. The garage light lit up as we walked in, but we were immediately stopped by an invisible barrier and the garage asked “password confirmation required”. ”B6527321,” said grandpa as the garage confirmed with “password correct” as the barrier blocking us to the garage dissipated. “Why do you even have the barrier block the living room from the garage” I questioned my grandpa. Because I don’t want you or your parents snooping in my workspace that’s why. “Whatever man,” I said as my grandpa jumped onto the spaceship. “Come on, come on! Hop onto the ship, we don’t have all day waiting for you!” As I climbed on, the ship started up and asked “where would you like your destination to be?” “Planet gazorbazorp” said gramps. The ship headed out of the garage and straight into the sky.

After about ten minutes of sitting on the ship, we finally arrived at planet gazorbazorp. “Come on Timmy, let’s grab me some booze, hell yeah!.” In my mind, during the whole trip, I kept thinking to myself about the robot. “Why did it even ask that kind of question?” I asked grandpa. “What asked the what!?” grandpa exclaimed annoyingly. “The robot that you made not long ago? That you gave an existential crisis?” “Oh come on, Timmy. You really gonna sit there pondering about what an insignificant piece of junk has to say?!” grandpa said directing me to go to the back of the trunk to grab the air tanks. “Well, it had feelings and questioned its existence. Aren’t we all finding a purpose in life, even if it’s a piece of scrap metal?” I said as we began walking towards a densely covered forest. “Well, you know what’s my purpose in life?! Finding that delicious booze so I don’t have to hear you blabber about some nonsense! Now let’s go!” said grandpa. We walked deeper into the forest until we reached and saw a clearing. In front of us was a vast lake, but it was the worse that I’d ever seen. Bodies of dead gazorbazorp civilians and native organisms floated covering the entire lake and the smell of flesh stung my nostrils pushing globs of tears out of my tear ducts. “What the hell is this!?” I cried as I was covering up my nose and mouth with my shirt trying not to breathe in the smell of rotting sweet flesh. “The booze is underneath this lake Timmy, here, wear this” as my grandpa pulled out a normal-looking watch. “I am not going in that water!” I refused. “Well, you gotta help me retrieve the booze from under the lake! The reason this booze tastes so great is because of the soul and conscientiousness that the lake absorbs from the living things living on this planet. The watch will release a forcefield that’ll protect our souls from being absorbed by the planet.” I am not going in there!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I’m gonna call mom right now and you’re gonna be in big trouble!” “Fine! I’ll do you three favors if you go under the lake with me.” “Anything? You’ll do three favors for me if I go in? You promise?” I said as the plan to go under the lake didn’t seem so bad after all. “Yes, you little turd” grandpa said annoyingly.

We turned on our watch and suddenly heard a hum from the watch and covered us despite being invisible. I almost panicked as it covered my head thinking it was going to suffocate me, but it was breathable and even comfy. “Let’s go. Timmy” said, Grandpa. We dove into the corpse-bodied lake and we were illuminated by the forcefield under the murky water. “There” as my grandpa gestured towards the direction of the booze. “All this just for his old ass to get drunk,” I thought to myself. When we reached the place, there sat a huge safety box. Grandpa pushed a button on the safety box and a hologram appeared of a gazorbazorp native who was making weird movements. Grandpa tapped me on my shoulder and directed me to copy its movement and unlocked it after several tries. Inside was an unopened crate that have been probably sitting there for a few decades. We each grabbed a handle and began ascending as I was hoping we’d get to the surface sooner. We reached the surface and climbed onto the bank as the membrane slowly dissipated head first. We reached our spaceship not long after, and grandpa pulled out a bottle of booze from the crate and began chugging the content inside. A loud gunshot came from behind and broken pieces of glass flew everywhere. I flinched as I realized that grandpa’s booze was blown to pieces. We scrambled for cover, only to find out that the thing coming towards us was the butter bot holding one of grandpa’s laser pistols with its left arm still broken. I looked at grandpa, but he was in shock as one of his sought-for booze was just wasted. His expression then changed into anger and pulled out a shotgun from his infinite dimension pocket. “What the hell is your problem!? How the hell did you follow us all the way here?” my grandpa said pointing the gun straight at the bot. “Of all the purposes you could have created me for, you assigned me to pass butter for some pancakes? While you find purpose in your life by making your own grandson dive into a lake of corpses with you just so you can chug some booze?” said the butter bot pointing his laser pistol at grandpa. “Yeah? So what? A piece of scrap metal can only do so much. You are purposed to do that thing as I told you, why are you even complaining?” “I wanted more than just pass butter! I want a purpose more than what you gave me!” the butter bot said shaking violently that you can hear pieces of scrap metal clattering. “Grandpa, don’t shoot it!” I cried. I knew that the robot had some sort of conscientiousness once it decided to jump off the table, but it was too late as the shotgun blasted the tiny piece of metal to bits. All that remained was its head as grandpa turned away, picked up the crate of booze, and hopped onto the ship. I ran over to pick up the remaining head of the butter bot. “Let’s go, Timmy, stupid little thing just ruined a whole bottle of good booze for me.” A little while after we were on the ship, I asked grandpa to make me another robot using the head of the previous one. “Why do you want another one that literally tried to kill me?” grandpa said with a distasteful look on his face. “You promised me three wishes, I’m using one of them and I want you to recreate the same bot with its head.” “If that’s what you want, one less favor I gotta do for you,” grandpa said. Once we got home, my grandpa went straight to work while chugging down his prize. Three minutes later, he handed me a brand new butter bot. “Here, I don’t know why you even want a piece of junk that tried to kill us,” said grandpa. “It tried to kill you, not me,” I said as I walked into my room. I pushed the button on the back of the bot and its eyes immediately came to life. “Oh my god,” said butter bot, “why am I here again?.” “Relax, buddy,” I said trying to calm him down. “My grandpa’s an asshole, but you shouldn’t take his words seriously.” “What’s my purpose?” the bot said once again. “A friend,” I said, “a friend to keep me company and someone that I can talk to, I think I’ll name you Butters.” My vision went dark and from there appeared the words “The End.” I pulled off my headset with tears covering my face. “Aw jeez,” I mumble sitting in my torn down garage. “The good old times” I said as multiple butter bots closed in on me.