Code Red: Dealing With Anger & Confusion During Cancer Diagnosis
“I was dealing with what I had just gone through, what I had lost and what I now knew about my mortality and this realization brought up a lot of resentment and anger in me” said a 43 year old blood cancer patient.
Feelings of anger are common among cancer patients and these feelings can be reflected in their behaviors any time. Anger is one of the emotions that patients express upon being diagnosed. I can say experiencing feelings of anger is normal; however your strength lies when asked to deal with it.
In this article we are going to identify the 2 key areas where our anger related to cancer diagnosis is expressed and ways to surpass it.
Problem: Cancer! You made me hate myself!
Anger towards oneself is most common forms of expression in cancer patients. Viewing ourselves negatively, having self-doubts, resenting ourselves are some of the symptoms of self-hate in cancer patients. But what could be the reason? Thinking from psychological perspective, feelings of anger are only the ones we can see through our behavior, the main culprit is ‘feeling of confusion’. Confusion arises when we get to know life changing news (negative or positive) and we are not prepared to deal with it. This ‘unpreparedness’ gives rise to feelings of anger because the situation is no longer in our control. Dealing with cancer is somewhere similar; because none of us are prepared to accept the cancer diagnosis — which gives rise to confusion — gives rise to anger and self-hate.
Solution: Show anger towards Cancer rather than self!
Having understood this, the most crucial factor now comes to deal with these feelings are: ‘Recognise and Acknowledge’ your feelings of anger and confusion. Anger is the common stage of coping with a crisis. Anger sparked by the cancer diagnosis is no different from anger that arises in any other crisis, such as after the loss of a loved one. Although anger is regarded as a negative emotion, it can have advantages for cancer patients. Some patients can take the anger and say “I am going to use this anger to fight back”
How are we going to do it? Counselling sessions with a trained therapist can provide a much — needed emotional outlet for cancer — related anger. A therapist can make you understand the difference between confusion and anger. This may give you clarity and also keep your feelings under check. Please remember: unchecked anger may make you likely to become self-destructive. Therefore, acknowledging your true feelings becomes of prime importance.
Problem: Don’t try to act as if you’ll know how I feel!
Having understood what gives rise to anger while suffering from cancer, now let’s take a look at how this feeling of resentment gets projected on to others, especially our loved ones! Every person suffering from cancer has a constant feeling of inadequacy, guilt, frustration which we get as we go on with our normal course of life. After being diagnosed, we start to look at life through the lens of cancer. We start attributing each gesture of care shown by others to our condition. The common thoughts may be “I know why you are so nice to me, it cause I have a life threatening disease!”; “What if I did not have cancer then would you have done so much for me”. This gives rise to feeling of dependency, being on other’s mercy; such feelings may not be appreciated by many cancer patients — which may further lead to feelings of resentment and anger. Lashing out at your loved ones may actually be a sign that you are suppressing your anger or you are simply not dealing with it appropriately.
Solution: Your caregivers are your biggest strength!
Unchecked anger can alienate family and friends or cause disruptions at work. The key to avoiding pent-up anger is to express it in a safe, supportive environment. In a therapeutic setting, it’s helpful for patient’s to express their anger. Cancer patients simply want their old selves, so they often can fail to make their new needs clear to their loved ones and caregivers which can lead to frustration and anger. And by taking out on loved ones, patients run the risk of alienating the very people they rely on.
Therefore make most of your support system. Take their helping gestures in a positive way. They are taking care of you not because they feel sorry but because they want to be with you through your struggle.
Having introduced the topic of caregivers, in our next article we shall focus on the most sensitive area of caregivers “Managing Spousal Distress of Cancer patients”.
In conclusion I would like to say, Anger is not something that you just shake off once you finish treatment, it may keep surfacing up fresh in your memory like a movie being played on loop.
Emotions are your friends, not your enemies, so see them as a signal system that’s there for a reason. “You need to see anger as a normal part of what you go through and not as something to be bottled up. It’s not a bad emotion, but completely legitimate and you’re entitled to it, however dealing with your anger and confusion is where your true fighting spirit lies”.
