Marriage & Cancer — Managing relationship through the treatment
Marriage takes work. It’s not a stroll in the park”. It requires a level of effort, dedication, commitment which may not be compared to other relationships. Marriage captures the ability of two people to rely on one another through bad and good times.
As with any relationship, most marriages experience high peaks and low valleys, a diagnosis of cancer is one such news which may make or break a marriage. A cancer diagnosis will bring out the best and worst of you and your partner. The journey of cancer is not about fighting with the disease but also fighting for your relationship. Let’s have a look at ways to help you with marriage after diagnosis.
I am by your side forever!
We do make many verbal promises to each other in a casual manner, but commitment in marriage is a ‘real job’. It is a choice that must be repeated over the course of your relationship. In your journey through cancer, please remember that the course of your relationship may not be as smooth as earlier. You may start seeing a change in your partner’s behaviour. He or she may start having frequent anger outbursts, may have increased non-compliance, may have negative attitude towards life, but it is necessary to remember that this what cancer does psychologically. When things get ugly, complications arise and grief pours over both of you. Stay Strong! Stay committed as you were earlier. Make your partner believe that you are there for him/her no matter what situation demands.
I am listening, please say!
Continue to talk. Communicating is very vital in healing any relationship. Your partner may want you to express your pain, do it! Express it…cry…scream…let your emotions out. This will make your better half feel more needed and trusted. As for the non-diagnosed partner, please remember that grief may be expressed in variety and sometimes it may be shown in your partner’s silence. Respect it! and allow that silence to exist, however too much of silence is not healthy. You both will experience different emotions from the moment you hear the news of the diagnosis, therefore being on the exact same emotional page is of prime importance. Keep lines of communication open, this will benefit your marriage by drawing you closer to one another.
Remember that its OK to express your fears and anxieties and it is equally OK to share your hope and faith!
This can wait, let’s get you healthy first!
Plans change… that’s life. When cancer rears it’s ugly head into your relationship, you need to start stretching. Many of your dreams, goals, and desires for your life and family will abruptly come to a halt. Keep a tight grip on your non-negotiable and let insignificant matters go. Change is difficult, but being flexible is more valuable than gold. Go with the flow. Some plans will fizzle and new dreams will come forth. Flexibility allows room for growth.
Nothing’s going to change my Love for you!
Intimacy isn’t always about sex. Though sex is one of the fundamental ways to be intimate with your partner, there are other means to stay connected. Unfortunately, cancer robs many people of their sexual function, yet marriages continue to blossom even without intercourse. When biology is thrown off, creativity is born. Adapting to your current situation will benefit you both. Be gentle with one another. Discover new ways to develop a more profound connection. Hold hands. Share secrets. Kiss. Being affectionate will remind your partner that you are invested in them. If you allow it, the intimacy in your relationship can reach new heights after a diagnosis. Vulnerability will welcome intimacy.
In conclusion I would like to say Cancer can bring out the worst in us. Anger is one of the most common emotions that patients and their families deal with. Remember that each of you process things differently, and that no way is better than the other. Allow each other space to grieve and be sympathetic towards one another. Remember that you are fighting cancer, not your loved one. Direct your anger towards the root of the issue, and don’t let your emotions erupt in an attack on your spouse. Though at times you’ll feel your partner doesn’t understand what you are going through, don’t alienate them and turn them into the enemy. You’re on the same team and you each play a vital position. Work together at working through it.
