WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE SAYS YOU HAVE CANCER?
“You have cancer”, these three earth- shattering words have the power to turn your entire world upside down. Cancer patients often describe that the first time their doctor confirms their diagnosis as: “It’s as if time suddenly stops and you cease to hear anything after the word cancer”.
If you have been recently diagnosed with cancer, you may be struggling with a flood of emotions that leave you feeling overwhelmed and confused. Your entire life may run through repeated flashbacks frequently. This is the time when you may start straining over every single moment of your life. Many would start questioning the right and wrong, the good and bad. Despite the ground-breaking medical advancements achieved in cancer treatment, cancer remains a particularly difficult disease to accept emotionally.
The feelings and emotions experienced during acceptance of cancer diagnosis are identified similar to those of grief.
I had attended a group therapy session of my aunt who suffered from breast cancer. During one of her sessions she discussed were the 5 stages of cancer grief. The five commonly recognized stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. A says to keep in mind that not everyone experiences all of these stages or go through them in a particular order. She makes a special mention that, even after someone has gone through all the stages, a person can still revert back to previous stage.
No! You are joking!
The stage which is denial is actually a coping mechanism to help a person survive news that is difficult to handle. During this stage most people are overwhelmed with feelings of shock and are unable to grasp everything that has just happened. Although some denial is healthy, it may prevent someone from being proactive towards the initiation of the treatment process.
Why me? What have I done?
Anger is a stage that almost everyone goes through when dealing with grief. Questions like ‘why did this happen to me?’, ‘why me out of everyone? ‘or ‘why did I do to deserve this?’ are common. A tip — ‘surrounding yourself with friends and family and talking with others going through a similar situation can be helpful when overcoming anger’.
If only I would have…!
Bargaining is also a stage that many people face while dealing with cancer grief. Thoughts of ‘if only I would have done this’ are common. Many people may try to bargain to prevent losses by changing their lifestyle or even promising God that they will change their behavior in exchange of good health. Spiritual and Religious guidance is what people seek while going through the stage of bargaining. A tip — seek guidance if it makes you feel better!
Why be happy when I have cancer?
The fourth stage is sadness. Most people facing a cancer diagnosis are understandably saddened by the news which affects their mood, energy levels, sleep and also eating habits. Seeking professional counseling during the grieving process may be beneficial for some people. A tip — visit a counselor, they can help you.
Ok, I Accept!
The last stage is acceptance of the cancer diagnosis. It does not mean that a person has completely let go of their grief, but they have accepted cancer as a part of their life. Your feelings may confuse you or scare you but acknowledging them is an important part of coming to terms with your cancer and having enough strength and conviction to move forward. A tip — when you become proactive your problems become subtractive.
Cancer changes people’s lives in many ways. Aside from coping with treatment, it will test the limits of the person’s endurance and this is the time that they discover their true strength which can help them to deal effectively with the disease.
In conclusion, I may like to say “we fight with determination in the hope that things will get better, and they often do. Most of all, hope gives you the will to live”.
Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.- Anonymous
