How To Take Control of that Evil Voice In Your Head and Stop Murdering Your Friends

You awake?

You awake?

Hey, dickwit, you awake?

Of course I’m awake now. You woke me up.

Kill the cat.

Oh come on. Really? The cat? That’s nowhere near your best. Go away. I’m tired. Please let me get some sleep.

Kill the cat.

We’re doing this? At 2am? Fine. Yesterday it was the dog. I killed the dog. Skinned it. Wore its innards as a turban as I power-walked to the shops. Did everything you told me to do. Don’t I get to enjoy some time off?

No such thing. Kill the cat.

You know what? No. I’m not doing it. When you told me to kill my girlfriend’s best friend because she took up too much of her time, I did it without hesitation. Buried her in the shallow grave as you instructed. Even went to her service with the fake tears you said would work (and they did – kudos to you for knowing about them). But there’s a line! I’m not doing your bidding any more!

Kill the cat.

I’m ignoring you. I’m going back to sleep now. Nothing you can do will change my mind.

Kill the cat.

Kill the cat.