5 reasons I never wanted myself to be known as a sensitive person
“To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness…” ― Anthon St. Maarten
While in school, my friend asked me a question that affected me profoundly.
I questioned my worth and if there is something wrong with my existence.
The question was
“Why are you so sensitive?”
Why? I never thought, and I did not have an answer to her question.
So, I did what all of us do to find our answers.
I googled prompts like
“Why I am so sensitive?”
“Is there something wrong with being sensitive?”
“How can I overcome my sensitivity and become strong?”
After some time, I came across a term called “highly sensitive person”.
I discovered psychologist Elaine Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Person. Without a second thought, I immediately bought that book.
I thought I will finally have all my answers. The more I read, the more I felt understood.
Years after, I had another encounter with one of my friends who asked me if I cry to gain people's sympathy and get my things done easily.
It felt like an attack, and I started questioning myself again.
I somehow had formed firm beliefs that I need to hide this part of me from people.
So, I always kept a big smile on my face whenever I met people.
My 5 reasons for hiding my sensitivity were as below:
- I fear being judged by people around me
Crying is a healthy way to let go of our emotions, and yet I saw it as something bad. Because of the experiences I have had, it was easier for me to hide my sensitivity than to explain it.
2. I thought sensitivity makes people weak
I considered being sensitive a weakness. When in school, I often heard remarks like girls always cry. That is the way they get more marks.
I found it hard to accept myself and all that I feel. I denied the way I am and made a fake image of the person who I am not.
3. People will take advantage of me
I operated as a victim who saw the world through a negative lens. Much of it came from fear of people around me and the ideology that the world is full of evil people and I need to show up as a powerful person so that people will not take advantage of me.
I know that is not true, but that is what I believed.
4. People will not like the real me
I never accepted myself the way I am and hence I always hated myself. My inner criticism was so high that I always thought critically about myself. I sought validation from outside, as I never gave myself the love I needed so badly.
Self-compassion was hard for me. Instead of seeing my sensitivity as a gift, I saw them as a curse.
5. My sensitivity will negatively affect my career
I felt if my employers come to know that I am sensitive, I will not be employable. I considered my sensitivity as something which is holding me back in every phase of life. So, I used to cry in solace and never in front of parents or friends.
If you are sensitive, I want you to know that your sensitivity is a power that gives you heightened empathy, intuition, and vibrant inner life.
You feel emotions at a greater rate because at the core of you is a feeler who not only feels their emotions but also other people’s emotions.
Next time, someone asks you why are you so sensitive?
Answer them: it is who you are and what makes you. It is a strength to read and observe things in an elated sense.
Trust me, not everyone can feel and care so deeply.
The world needs so much more of you.
P.S. While I do not believe in wrapping myself totally in a personality type, a new perspective of seeing my sensitivity as a strength changed the way how I look at myself and the stories I tell myself.
