9.) I’m Stuck But Not in the Mud.
I wish I was then at least I would feel like I am making progress.
What has happened since the last entry?
A lot has happened since the last entry. Not long after I made the shanty to house the stuff in the garage so I could put in the door, I started bleeding. It didn’t stop for months. What did stop was all forward progress because any exertion at all resulted in a mess. You ladies out there: if you know, you know.
There wasn’t going to be any lifting of anything: a door, a full earthbag, a wheelbarrow. All of it was out of the question. This problem started in May, not long after the shanty was put up. What I thought was going to be a normal cycle ended up being four months of blood.
Aside from the physical situation, there was another issue: my relationship fell apart. There was a moment where I realized that I couldn’t continue with what I had been doing in that regard. It’s not a conversation for here but suffice it to say that things got messy in that part of my life, too.
I realized that there wasn’t anywhere to really work. I didn’t have a space to put the building materials that would have been appropriate. I am in the city at the moment, and I have neighbors. The logistics of the project seemed out of range. At first, I thought that I could just put them in the front yard in big piles on tarps and cover them when the weather went sideways. I think one of my neighbors would have been okay with that. It’s funny: people get nutso when you set boundaries with them. This includes my eldest child and two of my neighbors who ended up being unkind people. As for the neighbors, it just felt like an extra set of hassles I didn’t want to deal with because it would have been relentless.
Where do I go from here?
There have been a few times in my life when the pull towards something has been really substantial. The pull towards building a naturally built home has been overwhelming. It literally feels like I am being pulled by my soul towards this thing. I explained it to my youngest as something that I have to do. It isn’t something that I can push aside and just think about or excuse away.
I wonder if that is the definition of a calling to purpose. (<- rhetorical question)
Right now, I am still living in my house with my ex because have y’all seen house and rent prices out there? Mercy! Same goes with looking at land on which to build this soul-driven home. Everyone seems to think they have a gold mine and that now is the time to sell. Some properties I saw were selling for 300% to 400% over what the purchase price was less than two years ago. Someone bought some land, say, for 75k. Then the world gets weird again and prices start to rise, and they want to cash out by offering up their parcel for 225k. In case you are wondering where that information is, if it’s not on the MLS or a realtor friend can provide it, it can be had at the county auditor’s office. They keep track of the sales of land and track the selling price. Most of the time, this is available online and for free. By law, real estate records have to be public with some exceptions.
There are some other caveats to my moving on from this house: he needs to buy out my half, I will wait until the school year is over, and a co-parenting agreement is in place. I’m out regardless.
I’ve been packing up my stuff.
The search for land continues.
My soul is pulling me forward and I can’t deny it.
