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The Different Drummer
Learning To Fly
As we set sail for Alaska, the patience and kindness of total strangers helped my daughters soar to new heights and cross new frontiers.
– Tom Petty
Fresh off our wedding at Disneyland in 2008, I was ready to embark on the first adventure as a newly blended family. With Summer approaching I asked Nicole where we should go on vacation. She looked at me bewildered and replied: “Who is going to watch the kids?”
For my ex-wife and I, family vacations had been a regular occurrence. As transplanted New Yorkers it was important to us that our children maintained ties with family and old friends who still lived on the East Coast and this racked up a lot of airplane miles. Things were different for Nicole since she is a native Californian who was living just a few miles from her childhood home. A set of triplets, two of whom are on the severe end of the Autism Spectrum also meant the logistics of travel were more difficult for her.
“We’re taking them with us, “ I boldly answered.
That July 4th we embarked on our newly formed family’s first road trip. Joined by my parents we ventured to “Northern” California, visiting two theme parks, the Jelly Belly factory, and exploring San Francisco. Subsequent adventures pushed the distance that the girls traveled from home even further. Eventually, we braved a plane trip and they were able to see where I had grown up.
As Nicole’s Multiple Sclerosis has progressed, these trips have become more complicated. If getting a group of five adults and the accompanying luggage moving in the same direction was not difficult enough, we must now also add mobility devices into the mix. Fatigue also lurks as an enemy, especially on travel days when fixed schedules make it impossible to take a break to rest.
Adding to these difficulties are the challenges of traveling with two young adults who have autism. They have been on enough trips that they are familiar with the process, but being outside of their normal routine can still be difficult for them. Z’s non-verbal vocalizations, which are constant in normal circumstances, increase in intensity and volume with the stress of traveling. M is prone to homesickness, especially during downtime. Neither have the ability to readily communicate their needs to people outside their usual social structure.
While these challenges make travel difficult, including the girls provides them with growth opportunities that they do not have in their normal routine. Therefore, as we planned Nicole’s 50th Birthday trip to Alaska with extended family there was never any doubt that they would join us. We packed up our suitcases to their weight limits and headed to the airport for the flight to Seattle where we would join my mother, sister, our oldest daughter, her husband, and our grandson on the Quantum of the Seas.
Most of us were able to secure early boarding times which allowed the triplets to experience their first adventure before the massive ship had even left port. I began to have doubts as we entered the preparation room for their one-minute flights within the iFly skydiving simulator. The person at the check-in desk could not seem to understand the concept of a conservatorship and insisted that I could not sign their consent forms for them in the same way that other parents were doing so for their minor children. Instead, he insisted they affix their non-legally binding names to the document.
The girls suited up with their sister, Sydney, and entered the training room where they watched a video about what they were about to experience. Upon exiting, Sydney expressed a concern that they might not be able to do what they needed to. We decided that she would go first and make a final assessment after her flight.
Sydney was initially hesitant to try the experience but those concerns seemed to disappear as she made a trust fall into the tube. As she took flight a smile immediately overtook her face. Assisted by the instructor she maneuvered within her simulated free fall and after a minute landed. The smile still on her face, she pointed to her sisters and gave me the thumbs up. They were cleared for takeoff.
M was up first. Her entry into the tube was a little more awkward than Sydney’s, but the smile was the same. Like a hero from the Marvel movies she loves to watch, she was no longer bound by gravity. Watching from the outside it was clear that the instructor was having issues getting her to understand his instructions. Instead of becoming frustrated, he gifted her with the patience that she needed. What I would give for the opportunity to hear her convey what she was feeling during her flight!
Instead of trusting her fall into the flight tube, Z’s instinct was to grab onto the instructor. Exhibiting a tremendous amount of patience he was eventually able to get her into something that resembled the flying position. She may not have been able to make it through her full flight time, but a smile did finally pop out.
Those brief moments of flight and the smiles on the girls’ faces made the challenges of getting there worth it. Like the flight instructor, others along the way helped them to grow. Most memorably, the singer for the live karaoke band patiently guided M through “Can You Feel The Love Tonight,” while the crowd coaxed her on with the lights from their phones. A bus driver on one of our excursions did her part by reassuring my wife that it was unnecessary to quiet Z down. “Let her be her, it’s ok.”
Alaska may consider itself the last frontier, but for my girls there will always be new ones to cross. I appreciate the kindness and patience of strangers who will briefly enter their lives and help them get there.
