RE: Denmark’s Application for Increase in the Sunshine Quota
From: Global Climate Adjustment Committee
To: Applicant #172 [The Kingdom of Denmark]
Dear applicant,
We have successfully processed your request to increase the “annual sunshine” quota. We are pleased to grant you an additional 10 (TEN) days of sun. This brings your total number of sunny days to 10 (TEN).
Congratulations!
Please note that due to the mechanics involved, we are unable to distribute these days evenly throughout the year. The entirety of your allotted quota will be delivered during the following two periods:
#1: Late April to early May [2–3 days]
This period — known as the “Ha, no!” — will give residents a foolish hope that summer has arrived. It has not. It will be immediately followed by a drastic fall in temperature and anywhere between 17 and 26 days of nonstop rain. (We reserve the right to occasionally throw in hail, just to keep you on your toes.)
#2: Late June to early August [7–8 days]
This “You’re Kidding Me!” period has been carefully calibrated to coincide with the summer vacation. Most of the population will be abroad, experiencing a burning sense of rage upon…
