What’s the Best Part About Your Entire Family Dying From COVID-19?

The serene Thanksgiving you’ll have this year!

Ahhhh, I can see it now.

11:00 AM Thanksgiving Day: You wake from a dream where you were a turkey pardoned by the President (Obama). While writing it down in your dream journal, you remember another dream where a respiratory virus spread across the world killing hundreds of thousands, including your annoying relatives who visit every Thanksgiving. Wait a second. You pinch yourself but you’re already awake. A dream come true.

You set down the dream journal next to your nightmare journal, which is gathering dust.

11:01 AM — 4:29 PM: You don’t move at all. No one’s around to tell you to put the turkey in the oven, or ask when you’ll meet a nice girl, because they’re locked down in place or — better yet — dead from COVID-19. They don’t even bother you in a supernatural, beyond-the-grave fashion and the only downside is that your face hurts from smiling.

4:30 PM: You roll out of bed in a velvet robe and slippers and make your way down a newly installed spiral staircase. You call out to see who else is awake. No answer. You’re alone. “How terribly sad,” you think, “that this didn’t happen sooner!”