Zagat Review of the ΔIXK Bed and Breakfast
Due to widespread academic probation, the Delta Iota Chi Kappa (ΔIXK) fraternity has been temporarily suspended from campus. The brothers have decided to turn Kool-Aid into Jungle Juice by renting out their beautiful Greek Revival house as the ΔIXK Bed & Breakfast.
Upon entry, guests receive a complimentary box of condoms and a Solo cup of Franzia as Chet Masterley, the current President of ΔIXK, tours them around the premises. Guests have unlimited access to the library of unread college textbooks, the kiddie pool full of vodka-laced Jell-O in the backyard, and the sand volleyball court in the front yard, which is only slightly damp from the last foam party.
Guests will be delighted by the themed bedrooms: Secretaries and Executives, complete with a large, L-shaped desk instead of a bed; Graffiti, where guests are encouraged to use paints, crayons, Sharpies, and their own bodily fluids to decorate everything from the bedspread to the walls; Caribbean Breeze, which features an inch-deep layer of sand and beach towels in lieu of traditional bed linens. And that’s just a taste of what guests can expect in the 12-bedroom B&B.
Although the bedrooms do not have their own ensuite, guests have access to the large communal bathrooms on each floor. Each bathroom comes equipped with a used bar of soap, a half-full bottle of…
