Turning 40
My 40 lessons on my road to 40
I turned 40 about two weeks ago; I could say that I wasn’t expecting it; say I woke up one morning and I was 40 but that’s not true. I saw it coming; had all the anticipation, fanfare and then, BOOM! March 12th, 2021 arrived.
An intimate surprise party was put together by my better half and amidst the laughter of family and friends, it dawns on me that I have 40 years’ worth of memories. A lot has happened, losses and gains, pressures and pleasures, highs and lows. Too much to remember and a whole lot gets forgotten. The memories that have stayed with me are the details of the punctuations in this book called life. For instance, I remember Saturday morning eggs as a boy, I remember school graduations, my first job, promotions, the day I got married, the first time I met my children, starting my business. In this bag of nostalgia, the details of the years are a blur and what’s left of it are the lessons I picked along the way.
One never knows how much they know until they are asked about it; so here’s a list of things I have learnt so far without your asking of course.
1. Family is Important
As cliche as this may sound, there are no truer words. Family means different for many of us; nuclear family, extended family, and sometimes friends. When all is said is done, you always go home, and what better way to describe home than family.
2. Marriage is about compromises, patience and honest communication
There is no union as over-flogged as marriage. Everyone has something to say about it and the exhaustive breakdown of marriage has only led to mystifying what is simply a union that works because of sacrificial love and compromises.
3. Children bring purpose to your life
I can’t say this better than this. I want my kids to have the best life because they deserve nothing less. Children make you want to be better and do better.
4. Adapt or die
Life is brutal; If you don’t swim, you’ll sink. Change is constant and the only way to survive is to constantly learn and unlearn.
5. Celebrate your wins don’t gloat
There is always room to win and even more room to fail. I don’t see the need not to celebrate my wins but while doing so, I am wary of the fine line between celebrating and dwelling too long on my wins.
6. Failure means new lessons
Failure is not the end; it is simply one less way to do something; My attitude to failure is mostly a grateful one; It is just one more lesson learnt.
7. Have a social life
Life is not all work. No matter how hard you work, I believe what helps you even out the stress is your social life. Sometimes, you get inspiration for work when you socialize.
8. Exercise
I run a lot now; this was after I gained so much weight and was borderline hypertensive. I started running. Now running clears my headspace, gives me time to reflect while keeping fit at the same time. Try running.
9. Sleep!
Yes, Yes, I said it; many people will probably read this line and roll their eyes, but sleep is needed. Inasmuch as I barely sleep, there’s always a refreshed feeling that lingers for days when I get to. I’ll recommend 6–8 hours of sleep a day, but if you need more? Well…
10. Eat right
It’s one thing to eat and another to eat right. I will just leave this quote here. “The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” ~Ann Wigmore
You shouldn’t eat; just do it right.
11. Regret is a waste of time
“Regret is usually a waste of time, as is gloating” ~ Thomas Crown. No one ever changed the outcome of an event by regretting it. Spending time regretting results in time wasted regretting. It happened; let’s move past.
12. Take some risk; you cannot play it safe always
Like driving, Older learners can see more risk, …while at 17 or 18, you think you’re invincible. Be 17 or 18 again and take some risks. The question is, What if you lose? I would ask, What if you win?
13. Embrace technology
Technology is not the future; it is the present. I believe it is a miracle and the ease it comes with is as addicting as a good series on AppleTV. Tech enables, and we should embrace it.
14. Do the work
All talk, no action stresses me out. I’d prefer we do and talk less.
15. Cut yourself some slack
You are doing great. Yes, you want to make a movie, you have a script written already. That’s a move better than nothing. Pause, look around, you’re actually in the middle of a phase you once longed for.
16. Pick your fights
Whether with family, in marriage, with kids, or in business, know your fights and pick them wisely.
17. Get a mentor or mentors
At every point of my life, there has always been someone I look at, learn from, and aspire to achieve as much as they have. A Mentor will fuel your drive.
18. Take a chance on someone
A full basket can’t take any more. It’s only normal to give as you receive. So find someone, take a chance on them, and teach them as much as you can. Sit back and watch your knowledge base expand.
19. You cannot know it all
There’s so much you may not know, and that is why there is beauty in collaboration. Collaboration lets you learn from others, teach others, and trade knowledge.
20. Time lost is time lost
There is so much to do with so little time. So why waste it? Enjoy every moment you have and make it count, be present. Be present in the present.
21. You have no control over anyone but yourself
I think control is the biggest illusion people have. If we could control each other, then there wouldn’t be any master. No one can control you as much as you can.
22. Your mental health and well-being is non-negotiable
The mind is the powerhouse of a person and as such, should be given utmost attention to avoid burnouts.
23. Your alone time is non-negotiable
Time alone means time alone. No Wife! No kids! No family! No one! Your alone time is undeniably the best time to listen to yourself.
24. Do the things you enjoy
Don’t let fear hold you back. Why do something you don’t enjoy? If you have to do something you hate for the rest of your life, you will never be truly happy.
25. Listen more
We all want to be heard and even if you don’t have a solution to the person’s problem, you just solved the first problem; you listened.
26. You cannot help everyone, you really can’t
Even superheroes don’t save everyone. More often than not, they are unable to protect their loved ones or themselves. The sooner I started understanding this, the more I started living without regrets.
27. Most people already know what they want to do, so advise with some caution
Most requests for advice are merely a chance to bounce their thoughts off you. No one forces anyone to do anything, so give advice but give sparingly.
28. Learn to forgive. Start with yourself
The power to move out of the past and into the present lies in forgiveness. Forgiveness gives us control over our lives. You cannot give what you don’t have. To forgive others, you must start by forgive yourself.
29. Change is inevitable
Beards, size, career; they all have one thing in common; change. It could be for the better or, the worse. The sooner you embrace change, the more you see the variety in life.
30. Keep an open mind
Though challenging to do sometimes, been open-minded has rewarded me in ways I never expected. You become free and mentally strong.
31. If you haven’t figured out your life yet, don’t beat yourself
I wish more people were honest with this statement. If we all were, I believe there would be more people who believed in themselves.
32. Be optimistic. It is good for your well-being and mental health
Be the sun. It’s bright with a promise of hope for the day. Even on a cloudy day, it breaks through to give warmth. If you are mostly positive-minded, it just might affect your day for the better.
33. Delegate
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. You can’t do everything by yourself, and even if you could, you can’t do it perfectly. This is why you have to assign people to particular tasks to reduce the pressure on yourself.
34. Learn to say NO
NO is a sentence and a word. Saying No has saved me more times than not and I believe if we said it more often, there’ll be fewer regrets.
35. Give because it feels good to give
I give because it feels damn good and not because I have it all. Don’t give because you have to, GIVE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.
36. Coffee is life
Yes. I can’t say it any better, and I’ll repeat it. Coffee is LIFE
37. Make time for the things and people you love
Be available and enjoy every moment with the people that matter to you. I love movies and I watch a lot of them. I also love to read as there’s only so much you can gather from being told.
38. Have more sex while you still can
Yep! It helps me sleep. I don’t know about you.
39. Work towards financial independence
If you can, spend less than you make and invest the difference. If you can’t right now, keep trying.
40. Life isn’t perfect
There is no perfect life. I want more, You want more, We all want more from life. However, we can only get out of life as much as we demand of it. Do or do not. There’s no try.
May the force be with you.
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