The not so simple sisterhood of engineers
I have been a Systems Engineer for 21 years. My gender is female.
One might think the above qualifications would allow me to give a voice to “what it is like to be a woman in technology.” I want to speak insightfully and intelligently about the topic. We are a minority (in systems engineering females are unicorns)! We need a voice!
Except, what the hell do I know?
One woman I work with hates even talking about being a minority in tech. She wants everyone to shut up so she can do her job as an engineer.
One woman I used to work with was so overwhelmed by the oppression she felt by our white male leadership, she physically became sick and left the industry.
One woman I work with is strong and smart and definitely “one of the guys.” But the other women engineers feel alienated and not supported by her.
Two women I used to work with were sexually harassed by the same man, and neither one of them wanted to make it an HR issue because “it would bring unwelcome attention.” When I insisted they report it, it brought unwelcome attention.
One woman I work with can fix any IT issue you throw at her, while not compromising her love of fashionable stiletto heels and short skirts.
One woman I work with hates the bro club of our industry and shares articles to our women engineering slack channel to prove her (maybe valid) point that many men in this field are sexist and elitist.
One woman I used to work with talked about sex and cursed like a sailor and could get as excited about the Linux kernel as she did about discussing blow jobs.
Some women I have worked with don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about blow jobs in the workplace.
One woman I work with hates the “W” brand and resents the organizations that are trying to promote women in tech. “Makes us look weaker” she says.
I know many female engineers who doubt their technical prowess, and they ask themselves “do the men doubt themselves this much?” (They do, by the way).
One woman I work with constantly doubts everyone else’s technical prowess and is irritated when others can’t keep up.
There is no one woman in tech, which is beautiful. The challenge I face, the challenge the women I work with face, is how to raise our numbers and our influence when we don’t know how to be a united front.
Do women in tech need to be a united front? Do we need female allies?
A boss of mine used to say he hated the emphasis of trying to get more women into tech. His rationale was all white males don’t have the same life experiences, thus they don’t bring the same strengths and weaknesses to the table.
He argued that when it came to technical collaboration, a room of all white men could have skills as diverse as a room scattered with white males, women, peoples of color and transgender folks.
I agreed that how you present on the outside doesn’t dictate the skills you bring to the table on a technical project.
And I appreciated that I wasn’t hired to check a female box.
But I wanted to strangle him when he argued diversity didn’t matter.
Personally, I still need females to turn to, it is important for me and the company that my gender is represented at all levels.
For the company, it has proven to be financially and organizationally beneficial to have women be at the table when it comes to the monumental decisions.
For me, it’s how I survive.
Do I love every woman engineer I have ever and now work with? No. But I know them.
I know they look around the room at a technical meeting and they don’t see many of themselves.
I know they get interrupted more often than men.
I know they geek out at this rapidly changing industry.
I know their ideas get ignored, then when repeated by a man, accepted.
I know they are watching lesser qualified men be promoted above them.
I know their happy place is when they solve a technical problem, fix a software bug, discover the right technology.
I know they have to work twice as hard to get the same recognition at a job.
I know there are some men in their division or organization that do not think they belong there.
I know they want to be engineers.
The culture of tech is still largely driven by while males (duh!?) And I don’t think the majority of those men are collaborating to ensure women get interrupted, patronized, promoted less, forced to work harder. That’s the thing about culture, it’s not a plan or a training, or a handbook. It’s the air we breathe and until the room is filled with men and women of all colors and walks of life, the air doesn’t change.
What is it like to be a woman in technology? Amazing and lonely. I love my job, I love being a female in tech, I love learning and growing and being around strong, smart, creative engineers. I want to see more women in my tech meetings, it’s that simple. I want to look around the room and see women engineers, with their individuality in tack, their motives not questioned, their gender not a priority. I do believe the next decade will bring change if women start being at the C level, on the boards, part of making the decisions. And although this plays out one woman at a time, that woman is going to need me, us, her allies. But like I said, what the hell do I know?
