What IFs..
I tell myself I do not regret having to endure any of the downs in my life. But, what would have happened if I learnt and set my boundaries way earlier?
This question has been hunting me for a long time. And It will probably forever.
I know I am grateful for what I learn on the daily, but I sob and ache over the wounds that never healed. I was not stabbed in the back. I wish the pain that I carried with me was merely a moment of hurt.
My luggage is made of all tools of torture. Emotional abuse for more than I can draw a start line for.
And I heal, and I stand, but on a vulnerable day like this day, my heart is wide open, and my mind shattered with thoughts,
What IFs and question marks.. I hang no memories on my walls, I look ahead. But feelings are a tricky puzzle, when they fall together they make sense, yet one at a time is a miserable portrait. A confusion with no resolution.
My pain, my story, wait for me, I will put the next pieces of this puzzle. You will make sense and I will be grateful again.
For the time being, hold on, and keep holding on, it is one day, one moment of pain, but it is not the whole scene.
