What We Feel, as Empaths…

Betsy rubbed her eyes, smiling at the dawn light peeping through the woods. Morning!

Ever so quietly she dressed and crept downstairs. Avoid that place in the hallway. Miss that step. Don’t let the house give you away. This is secret, special, morning time, shared only with the birds and the chipmunks and the nocturnal ones beginning their denning in… and the trees. Oh, her confidantes, the trees! “Good morning!”

“Sssshhh!” Betsy reminded her careful feet. “The world is asleep and the in-between is ours.” No one awake but we.

Shrugging out from under the sleep-vibe that filled the house, Betsy wondered if she dared make a dash for the creek this early. How much trouble would she be in if they found out? They wouldn’t be awake for hours yet, the others in the house, whose early morning dream states she did not want to know about.

Betsy wondered if anyone noticed that early morning dreams were ‘working out’ dreams, that the astral planes were at their most confused from 5–7 AM? Why would anyone want to subject their consciousness to that? She shuddered a bit at the thought, a quivery, excited shudder, to have escaped once again.

A little rhyming ditty to the tune of “I don’t have to drown in your dreams…” echoed in the back of her head as she slid open the side door.

***

my iPhone

Betsy remembered that, this morning, as she reached for her iPhone, noting that it was a chilly 4:27 AM, her head hurt…and her shoulders…and…where is the yoga mat? Upstairs. She hadn’t thought to borrow one yet. The bed would have to do. Even Amazon.whatever-country-this-is, couldn’t deliver on demand at 4:30 AM. What was it with the absence of instant manifestation, anyway? Weird world.

Wide awake, she stared around the room, taking her bearings. Where was she? Which place? What country?

Tea. First, the tea. Warm, comforting goodness to start the day.

Someone else is mediating. Good for them! Oh wait… as she took tentative sips from the steaming mug.

…They don’t know how. The energy swirls snaking through the house made Betsy want to vomit. Lower astral energy is not a meditative state. It’s sorcery, of the most self-delusional kind. This wasn’t beginner struggling, this was ignorance. A sad adherence to the teachings of the false light. Sad. This had always been sad.

Shrugging out from under the vibes, Betsy found a still corner in the house.

Hold your own energies close… do not engage… or… do engage… let the lovelight torrent through the house… what could it hurt? What could it help? These other vibrations are hurting me. Why have I given them power?

Outside. Go outside. The instant her feet hit the patio she felt better… as soon as she made it into the fields, she felt… happy. At peace. “I’m not crazy,” she confided to the little grove of trees on the hill. “The pain is in the house.”

“But I know better than to make anyone else the problem. Does anyone know what it’s like to be this sensitive? To be so empathic that I feel what is going on with everyone and everything else around me? My Teacher taught me how to switch receiving channels to feel only Source. Only divine light. Why isn’t it working?” Betsy grimaced at her own thoughts, as they started to bring her down. “I will not be a victim of circumstances!” she whispered, at top volume. “Something’s gotta give!” Standing up, she started to walk. Movement always helped. “Me, of course. I have to shift. I have to give…” she sighed into her own head, as her feet found their way.

***

Duiker, morning stroll, my iPhone

“Have you looked at this place on Google earth?” her friend Kathy asked, a huge smile lighting up her face. “ The only thought forms here are animals!” They were driving across the reserve outside of Kruger National Park in South Africa. Kathy had moved here a few years ago. It was Betsy’s first visit.

“No wonder it feels so good here,” Betsy agreed, immersing herself in the harmony. She pondered nature, the bush, and the animals that live therein.

“They melt into the oneness, in a cohesiveness that humans cannot seem to emulate,” Betsy whispered. “Oh, it’s such a relief!”

“You said it!” Kathy chuckled. “Thought about moving here?”

“I’d love to. Too hot for me though…I’d spend half my time melting.” They grinned together as several impala crossed the road just ahead of the four-wheel drive.

***

“What is it like for you when I think about you?” a student asked.

“I see your face, as though you were there in front of me. And I sense what you’re feeling.” As understanding began to creep across her student’s face, Betsy smiled. “And, I hear your strongest thoughts. That’s what happens with most people. With you, as my student, with the agreement we have for me to look into your energies, it is much, much stronger. I feel what you feel and hear what you’re thinking.”

“Every word?” The student was clearly horrified.

“Pretty much,” Betsy admitted, with a reassuring grin. She winked at the student to make him feel more at ease. “I don’t listen to everything. Bad form, you know?” The student laughed, uncomfortably.

“One of the first things my Teacher taught me was discernment. In my case, the ability to discern between my thoughts and feelings and those of others. I am very aware of when I’m being projected onto, including the process of transference, when someone is re-living how someone else in their life has treated them and assumes I will do and feel the same.”

“Wow… Is it painful?” he offered, obviously reviewing his own thoughts and feelings towards her and fearing the answer.

“Yes,” Betsy admitted. “Especially feelings of anger, resentment, fear, and manipulation. They impact my physical body as well as my energy field. It feels heavy, like having wet cement dropped onto me, or, sometimes, depending on how angry someone is, it can feel like being slapped or punched.”

“Why do you put up with it?” the student wondered.

“It is part of being this sensitive, in a world where most people are ignorant of how their energies impact others… and how could I assist you if I didn’t make myself available to you?”

“That’s why you spend so much time alone… so much time away from people.” It wasn’t a question.

Betsy nodded, choosing her words carefully. “Nature understands herself. She is always in harmony, even when we see what looks like conflict. Most humans have no idea how sloppy they are with their energies, or how not to be. Mostly it is not malicious, only ignorant. So I have to spend as much time as I can away from that. It is much less stressful for my body.”

“As you progress in your awakenings you will go through phases of this. Sometimes you can allow Source to hold you and walk through even a warehouse store, unscathed. Other times you can barely handle being around anyone at all or having them think about you. Projection is the worst,” Betsy admitted.

‘Why would anyone want to wake up, then?”

Betsy had heard this question for as many lifetimes as there had been questioners. “Because it’s worth it!”

The student smiled, understanding. “The ecstasy is worth the agony?” he queried.

“Oh no! No!” Betsy was quick to correct this. “That’s a misunderstanding from within duality. In the Infinite, in unified harmony, there is no friction, no roller coaster of emotional states… and it is anything but boring!”

“I guess I don’t understand then,” the young man frowned.

“You will,” Betsy encouraged him. “Go outside. Go talk to the trees.”

***

Thanks for reading. A bit awkward, this one. But sometimes we publish nonetheless.

~ Namaste ~

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Nalini MacNab

Nalini MacNab

I live, learn, write, create and share the experience of embodying HER Infinite Love. https://www.nalinimacnab.com