Advice for first time mothers
It is not your fault.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know how to feel. I was scared, confused and overall guilty.
How was I supposed to be a mother when I didn’t even have my own mental health under control?
I began therapy 6+ months before I became pregnant to deal with past stress and emotional trauma. I was deep into my recovery process when I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. How was I going to be a mother? And how was I going to be a good mother at that?
I felt guilty already and I hadn’t even had my baby yet.
As I continued on with the pregnancy I had many issues and concerns, mental health aside, I had early bleeding, my ankles were already swelling and I had trouble working. I also had started gambling and used this as a way to feel some control, which now makes no sense at all.
I hated how I was handling my whole experience, however once my son was born, I now fully understood what other women had said about motherhood, “there is nothing like a mothers love.”
It was my fault that I created bad habits, it was my fault that I could not control my experience with pregnancy and it was my fault that I felt guilty.
It took me until now to realize yes, I formed terrible habits when I was pregnant, however that does not make me a bad mom. I love my baby Alijah with all my heart and would do anything for him. He is my anchor and my little world away from my past.
My advice for first time mothers is to allow yourself to make mistakes without holding it against yourself. Learn forgiveness so you can learn to fully love.
Your past is your past. Your future is your future. As long as we are willing to change and create a positive environment for continual personal growth we are doing our best.
So yes, its my fault.
But it’s not my fault for providing a loving home and loving life for my baby.
