The worst part of being a mother
How this little thing makes being a mother hard
The most beautiful part of being a mother, is all the overwhelming love you feel for your baby. Many mothers have said, “you will understand when you become a mom”. At first I did not see this as much, I even doubted there was any truth to it, however now it makes complete sense.
Right as your baby is born your brain gives off a lot of different chemicals. The main one being Oxytocin. Oxytocin is released when contractions begin, this simulates the uterus to contract so that the baby can be born. It is also released when we fall in love. Therefore, Oxytocin is known as the love drug. This chemical is an important piece of what happens in our brain as we give birth. Therefore, when women say, “there is nothing like a mothers love”, they are telling the truth.
As I have watched my baby grow I have experienced the well known term, mom guilt. I feel guilty because I can not spend every moment with Alijah(my baby). I know this is unrealistic, and logically can not make sense, however that is exactly what mom guilt is. Mom guilt is the guilt you feel when trying to hold yourself to the unreachable standard of being the perfect mom.
I work a full-time job 4–5 days a week 10+ hours a day. This does not leave much time to play with my child when I get home. Most of the time, weekends become our dedicated family time. However, if I was the perfect mom, I would be there all the time with my child, but that isn’t realistic and certainly not sustainable.
Mom guilt can make the transition from being independent and free, to being a new mother extremely difficult. Constantly holding ourselves to unobtainable goals only sets us up for failure. It is not only constricted to mothers, it can affect fathers and other family members as well. Mom guilt is just the more familiar term.
Many have heard of postpartum depression, well this was a very real issue for me and many other women all around the world. Postpartum depression can be brought on by many different things like having chronic depression, body dysmorphia, financial stressors, fluctuating hormones and more.
I was constantly beating myself up because I had postpartum depression, this only made me feel more like a failure as a mom, which in turn increased my mom guilt.
It is quite a vicious cycle.
No one had told me just how hard being a mother was; not because of the dirty diapers, sleepless nights and tantrums, rather the overwhelming feeling of needing to be the perfect mom. I hate to break it to you, THERE IS NO PERFECT MOM. We are human and we make mistakes, thats how we develop and grow into better individuals.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy I was suffering with trauma, in turn, I was upset with myself for the way I was feeling. I always asked myself,“How can I take care of a baby when I’m barely taking care of myself?” I had immediately set myself up for a ticket on the mom guilt bus.
Making mistakes is all a part of life. No parent will ever be the perfect parent. EVER.
Being a mother has taught me many new things about the world.
In conclusion I personally believe the hardest part of being a mother is not being able to be with your baby all the time.
