Why Do So Many Cling to Negative Views of Home Education?

I wondered about this same thing for two decades. When I decided to homeschool, it shocked my friends and family. My husband and I did not fit the profile. We were liberty lovers but not deeply conservative in any particular way. We were both business professionals and neither of us had teaching experience. We did not start out planning to do it for long, but it went so darn well, that we just kept going, for all four kids. I have faced a good deal of incredulity and criticism, for which I was initially unprepared.

Now that I am in my 21st year of this job, I do have answers to this nagging issue.

But, first things first. Walking away from elementary, middle and high school education, public or private, is called many things. Homeschooling. Home education. Self-directed learning. Unschooling. DIY Education. Gig education. Hybrid learning. These all have the same thing in common. The families, no matter what they call it, have decided to walk away from government schools and private schools to do their own thing, while remaining within the guidelines and reporting requirements of their individual state.

Back to the discussion of negative views. Here is what I have learned.

• Inadvertently, my choice has challenged my friends and neighbors. After all, if the local public schools are good enough for their kids, why are they not good enough for mine? There is no comfortable answer to this question. I certainly never intended to have my life choices challenge others, but I have learned that it does, whether I want it to or not.
• There exists in the USA a current of collectivism, with which home educators must wrestle. When you act in your self-interest, and if that self-interest does not align with what others perceive as the common good, you will have a target painted on your back.
• There was often jealousy as friends and neighbors watched my kids, who were well-rested and well-nourished, excel in their competitive sport or science fair competitions, and move to elite, national and international levels. I have often found myself trying to explain the sacrifices I made (walking away from a thriving career) to do this job myself and how anyone in the USA is totally free to do the same. Still, resentment was there.
• I have had local friends question me on how I was able to have my kids study abroad in high school without repeating that year of high school (back in the US). When I tried to explain that this rule, with which they must comply in the public school, is completely arbitrary and, in fact, not a true constraint (outside of the system imposing the rule), I was met with anger. These friends think that this is unfair. It created tension where there should have been none.
• I have been face-to-face with shockingly hostile school boards, when asking if one of my kids could participate on one of the sports teams. Our tax-dollars support the school, so why not? Perfect SAT scores and multiple 5’s on AP exams do not seem to sway a school board….they want you on their property 5 days a week, sitting through unnecessary classes, in order to allow you access to the turf your tax dollars make possible. The board had a very bewildering us vs. them attitude. They viewed the request as an unforgivable affront. We found other ways to perform nationally and internationally through sports, without the school, but a less hostile response would have been nice. I did not understand it for many years, but I do now. They feel abandoned and irrelevant. I regret this, as it is not my intention. Again, it goes back to #1. Home educators often inadvertently challenge those around them; it surely is not our goal.
• People are generally happier when surrounded by conformity. Maybe it makes life more predictable. It does not challenge the status quo. Not attending the local school while apparently thriving is disruptive to that comfort.
• In today’s society, it is very hard to throw down on any culture or any small group that falls outside of the perceived norm. It always results in cries of ignorance, racism, hate-mongering, etc. Strangely, this does not hold true for home education. People are free to say the most abominable things about parents who make this choice. Television shows always depict home educated kids as weird, backward hayseeds with controlling or evil parents. Rarely is it treated in the media with anything other than suspicion and ridicule. Yet, no one reacts with cries of hate-mongering. This is because there is no constituency large enough to object and to politicize the negative profiling that takes place in the media. No one really cares what anyone else thinks or says about home educators. All are free to hold onto their negative and often cartoonish views of home educators — so they do.

On the bright side, more than ever before, people have access to superior learning online. More and more kids are choosing to learn online, using tutor/teachers when needed. The trade offs for attending school 9 months out of the year are now being examined more closely and many conclude that it simply isn’t worth it. It surely isn’t necessary if competitive university admission is your objective, but that’s for my next article!

About the author: I retired from the business world to have a family and raise them with my husband, Peter. They are now ages 25, 23, 20 and 16. They never attended elementary, middle or high school. Two are graduates of an Ivy. One is at the US Naval Academy. The youngest is a high school sophomore currently studying abroad for a year.