Our Daily Bread: Reflecting on Our Desolation in Times of Consolation
After a hectic week of busy clinics, an important presentation, and trying to find new housing during the pandemic, my past week ended on a surprisingly good note. By the end of the week, I finally settled on an option for where to live, the Houston heat and humidity gave a few hours of reprieve, I got off work early, and I randomly ran into a friend from high school, who has relocated to Houston, on my way to the parking garage after work. These may seem like insignificant happenstances, but after the week I had, I was hit with the realization that they were little graces that God gave me, to remind me that our struggles do come to an end and that I should focus on the goodness that I have in my life, instead of dwell on the negative events that happen from time to time. As I continued on my way home, after running into my old friend, I thought about how we need not just to reflect on our blessings in difficult times, but how it can also be helpful, while we are in a peak of good days, to look back on the challenges we have been through.
In his Spiritual Exercises, St. Ignatius of Loyola discusses the dichotomy between consolation and desolation. Different times in our lives can be characterized by these two states. Times of consolation are, “when an interior movement is aroused in the soul, by which it is inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord, and as a consequence, can love no creature on the face of the earth for its own sake, but only in the Creator of them all.” It brings an overflowing sense of gratitude, joy, and fulfillment. Contrarily, times of desolation are, “entirely the opposite of consolation . . . darkness of soul, torment of spirit, inclination to what is low and earthly, restlessness rising from many disturbances and temptations . . . The soul is wholly slothful, tepid, sad, and separated, as it were, from its Creator and Lord.” In these times, we may have strayed from the path of Truth, and into sin, or gone through a difficult time and been led into doubt, despair, and depression. St. Ignatius notes though that, if we are aware and not overcome by these sentiments and temptations, the times can “lead to want of faith, want of hope, want of love.” When we hit rock bottom, we can realize our desire and need for God and the importance of rededicating ourselves to a life of virtue.
I have gone through periods of desolation in my life, both spiritual and psychological. As with most people, I have encountered times of dryness in prayer, in practicing my faith, and even in believing in God’s goodness. Also, I have had bouts of depression related to battling cancer and dealing with the after-effects of cancer treatment. In these times, people have always told me to reflect on my blessings. It is definitely important not to let our self-pity overcome us, but instead to realize all of the good things that we have in our lives. However, I have found it very difficult to do so while experiencing desolation because it makes me jealous of my former self and of others. Even when reflecting on the many good things that I have, I often circle back, in a downward spiral, to focus on the negative parts of my life and the things that I wish I had. Most times, I find myself feeling more bitter and sad after reflecting on my past good fortune in a time of desolation.
However, it is just as important, or maybe even more important, to also reflect on our troubles during a time of consolation. It may seem paradoxical to rain on our sunny days by reflecting on bad times when we are feeling good; but, when we are in consolation, compared to when we are actually going through a period of desolation, it is much easier to understand how blown out of proportion we can make our struggles seem. This reflection will make our troubles appear less extreme next time they come because we will be able to remember our tendency to exaggerate them.
Also, by reflecting on our difficult periods, we may come to recognize how those moments were necessary for us to make it to the consolation that we are currently experiencing. St. John of the Cross asserts that “until a soul is placed by God in the passive purification of that dark night, it cannot purify itself completely from imperfections, these imperfections or from others.” Sometimes, we need these dark periods to bring us to higher points of consolation. That fact can give us more peace when we go through our next time of desolation because we know that it will eventually bring about a greater transformation.
Still, that doesn’t help the fact that when we are going through troubles, we will still experience discomfort and a variety of negative emotions. How do we learn to have an awareness of the greater importance of desolation when we are in the midst of “the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4)? It comes with continually giving thanks, throughout the day, for those pieces of daily bread that God gives us. Even in the darkest times, if we stop for a second and find even a small blessing for which to give thanks, it can be a breath of consolation in a suffocating period of desolation.
Scheduling moments of thanksgiving can help form a habit of gratitude. Intentionally praying grace before meals, saying a prayer of thanksgiving at specific hours of the day, or remembering to thank God every time we do a common task (for example, walk through a door, check our phones, look at the time, send a text, etc.) can be easy ways to encourage us to give thanks to God. I do not do a good enough job of it myself. So, I too need to find a way of creating this essential habit.
I have found that since my thanksgiving is very sporadic (normally only when something good is staring me in the face), I often forget to recognize God during the day. Even with saying grace before meals and spending some time in daily prayer, I allow myself to be in the word, and of it, during the majority of the day. We all need times of reflection throughout the day, to bring us out of our busyness, help us refocus on our blessings, and allow us to put our struggles into context.
Much of the disagreement in the world today could be minimized if we were more thankful for what we have, even our difficulties. Our society has become so comfortable, that we see any minor inconvenience as a huge discomfort. But, as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI said, “you were not made for comfort; you were made for greatness.” By accepting our troubles, working through them, and reflecting back on them, we can improve ourselves and be of help to others when they go through a time of desolation as well.
It comes down to giving thanks for the littlest things. G.K. Chesterton tells us that, “when it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” Even simple things like waking up in the morning, eating a tasty lunch, and even stubbing a toe or spilling coffee on ourselves can be opportunities of thanksgiving because at least we have a new day, available food and drink, and the ability to walk. If we would learn to see everything, even our discomforts, with gratitude, we could learn to get along much more easily with others and look beyond ourselves and our own difficulties, to see that there are others around us who are suffering, and often suffering more greatly than we are.
By reflecting on our desolation more frequently, we can learn to accept all things graciously and give of ourselves more generously. As St. Theresa of Calcutta said, “the best way to show my gratitude to God is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy.” Her life is a testament of gratitude and generosity. Even throughout her difficult life of spiritual dryness, poverty, and outside criticism, she served the poorest of the poor and made a difference in their lives. Like St. Mother Teresa, if we were to start to accept all things in life with joy, we would be able to look beyond our own experiences, understand others more fully, and treat both ourselves and others with the dignity and respect that we all deserve.
