When It Is All Said and Done on
Originally written April 9, 2020
Many times in my life, I thought about quitting. After my cancer treatment, in physical therapy when I had already completed 50 repetitions of foot lifts, to strengthen the weak muscles in my left leg and foot, I thought about quitting. In Boy Scouts, I thought about quitting, when I couldn’t rock climb or do archery as easily as the other kids. In high school marching band, when the physical demands challenged me to work harder to overcome my hemiparesis, I thought about quitting. When the academic demands of Physician Assistant school prerequisites pushed me to the limits, I thought about quitting. At the beginning of Physician Assistant school, when I sat on the examination table for my classmate to practice the physical exam on me, once again burdened with the memory of my many years as a pediatric cancer patient, I thought about quitting.
Yet, here I am, beginning a Physician Assistant fellowship at the MD Anderson Cancer Center, the exact place where I received chemotherapy many years ago. I say this not to boast, but as a testament as to what can happen when you push through the struggles and challenges, and finally come out on the other side. Through all these years, it has been a progression from one step to the next, to get through college, Physician Assistant school, and to start my career as a Physician Assistant. At times, through it all, it has been difficult to see how far I’ve progressed, where my final destination is, or even what the next few steps hold. However, there have been moments of clarity — completing another semester of school, finishing my undergraduate thesis or master’s research paper, and graduations throughout the years. Those times are like the momentary vantages that you experience while hiking up a mountain. You may not be able to see the summit yet, but you can look down and see from where you have come and you can more easily understand the forest for the trees. This transition into starting my career is but yet another viewpoint along the journey up the mountain of life.
The truth is that you can never see the fruit of something until it has ripened. When you are in the middle of a challenge, pain, or hardship, you cannot understand the full purpose or picture of what you’re going through. It can be hard to step back from your situation to get a better perspective. Many times, all you can do is just try to make it through the tough situation that you are experiencing. The weight of your struggle clouds your vision, putting blinders on you and making you myopic toward the future. Also, we are not omniscient creatures; we cannot see beyond the present moment. Our very nature limits us from knowing what comes ahead, and even if we will make it out alive of our current predicament.
But, there are things you can do to get a different perspective. You can ask those you trust for their opinion of your situation. Whether it be a family member, friend, or coworker, others can often see things better than you can, when your perspective is clouded by your emotions. You can also look at the stories and struggles of others around you. The truth of the matter is that someone else probably has it worse off than you. Even that reality can be a sobering fact that helps you regain a clearer outlook. Also, you probably have gone through other hardships in your life already. It is always reassuring to look back on the struggles of your past and remember how you made it through then. Sure, your current situation may be different than what you went through before. But, your present self has the skills and lessons learned that your old self did not have. That should give you some reassurance that you can make it through this time.
In the midst of it all, you should not let your negative emotions — anxiety, fear, stress, frustration — smother you. As the psychologist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, wrote, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” The only thing that you can control in many difficult scenarios is your mindset. You might not be in control of any of the events taking place, the circumstances in which they are occurring, or the outcome of those events; but, you can control how you perceive and react to it all. With a positive and determined outlook, you can make it through any challenge.
When going through a struggle, you might as well give it all you’ve got. You cannot control how others around you act, nor do you know how the difficulty will end. As the adage goes, “do you best and let God do the rest.” At the end of the day, you are responsible for yourself and your actions. Even if the resolution to the situation is not what you wanted, you can rest assured if you dedicated yourself to doing what you thought was best. Additionally, you can learn from your mistakes for the next time; and, as mentioned before, you will be able to see that no mater the outcome, the storm passes, as it always does.
During this time of the COVID19 crisis, many people are struggling, whether it be suffering illness or death from the virus, losing a job from the shuttering of society, or being overcome by anxiety about what the future holds. For a lot of us, it may seem that there is not a lot that we can do to fix the situation. We cannot make governmental policies; we are not on the front lines in healthcare or as a first responder (thank you to all of you who are right now!); or, we may think that our personal quarantining may not have that much of an effect. However, by following the advice of healthcare professionals to practice social distancing, to maintain good hygiene, and to stay home when sick, we can all play an active role in bringing a quicker end to the pandemic. In the uncertainty, we can trust in the sound advice of those who are experienced and knowledgeable leaders to know what to do. By bearing through these present struggles, we can learn more about ourselves, our families, and our communities. There have been numerous examples of citizens and companies going above and beyond to make sure that the needs of those around them are met during this crisis. Hopefully, we will not forget the lessons that are being revealed to us during this time.
Today, Good Friday, we reflect on another powerful hardship, who’s truth echoes throughout history: when God suffered and died for us on the Cross. The other day, I was talking with some friends about how shocking the Passion must have been for the disciples. Jesus’s followers did not have the whole story laid out for themselves, like we do. They had never celebrated the Resurrection, like we do every year. They were told by Jesus that He would be raised on the third day, but the reality of His death on Good Friday must have shook their faith and understanding of who they believed Jesus was.
Imagine the silence in their homes and in their hearts after the crucifixion and on Holy Saturday. The Scriptures emphasize how the disciples did not fully comprehend what had to occur during the days of the Pascal mystery: “For they did not yet understand the Scripture that he had to rise from the dead” (John 20:9). It wasn’t until they went back to the tomb on Easter Sunday, and even later for some disciples, that they fully understood the deep meaning in their agony of witnessing the Passion and death of their Lord.
Just as we as a Church progress through the Triduum, this Holy Thursday through Holy Saturday, with the expectation of celebrating the Resurrection on Sunday, we can bear through our struggles in life, no matter how long they last, with the assurance that one day they will end. As St. Pope John Paul II said, “Do not lose heart! The steeper the road, the faster it rises towards even wider horizons.” Then, when it is all said and done and we come to another clearing on the mountainside, we will finally be able to see what it all meant.
