Green Means Go, Right?
I have a very distinct memory of learning to drive with my dad in the passenger seat. Obviously he was constantly terrified and I was constantly feeling like a badass adult operating a two-ton vehicle for the first time; classic combination.
There is one distinct memory from this time that echoes in my brain sometimes. Even though I loved driving, my heart was always racing and I felt like throwing up whenever the car was moving. Each red light was its own reprieve from the stress, and I could sit and collect myself before pressing down on the gas pedal.
Something involuntary kept happening each time the light changed. I’d turn and ask my dad, “Can I go?” He’d say yes and off I’d go, heart racing again. After a dozen red lights and a dozen times asking, “Can I go?”, my dad started to get irritated. Finally, he responded with, “Of course you can go! Don’t you see the signal? Green means go, right?” This simple question shifted my perspective; the light is green, and green means go, so permission has been granted.
This phrase still resonates today because I constantly find myself asking around, “Is this okay? Can I go?” It seems like, specifically as women, we have a lot of expectations of ourselves. Try a million new things, but do them perfectly! Succeed at the job and the family and the interior design and the perfect body!
These expectations can be so misguided — and the guilt that surrounds them can be suffocating. No matter where we go or who we spend time with, we feel guilty for saying, “No,” to something. Even when it has to do with our health — both mental and physical — we still feel guilty, like we need permission to take care of our bodies. But your time spent working out should be time that enhances your life, not something that causes more guilt and shame.
While all of that looks great in the movies, it seems like maybe the moments that make us feel the most alive are when we can recognize our imperfections — our own humanness. Of course it’s tempting to look around and ask, “Can I go there? Can I admit I’m not perfect?” But the signals all say it’s time. And, if you’re lucky, you have a tribe around you that says, “Of course you can. We’ve been waiting for you to. Green means go, right?”
What are some areas in which you are struggling to give yourself permission to just be? Who are you looking around to for permission? Who’s allowing you to simply go?
