Why you should stop saying, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

(And why going through similar stuff as people isn’t that essential)

The reason, in one word: empathy.

But I’ll need to unpack that, so read on.

When stuff happens to people and we say, “I can’t imagine what you must be going through,” I get it but I think it’s misguided. I think we mean to say “I don’t KNOW what you’re going through.” Which is right. Because even if you’ve experienced similar, it’s different.

But the very fact that you don’t know is all the more reason to imagine. Because right at the root of empathy is imagination. They rise or fall together. If you can’t imagine what someone is going through, you can’t empathise with them.

But of course you can empathise. Which means your imagination’s working just fine.

Think about it.

What really is empathy, after all?

Empathy is basically your ability to connect, not just with what others are going through but also with their emotions.

Empathy: connecting with, not just others’ EXPERIENCES, but also their EMOTIONS.