MEN SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO GROCERY SHOPPING
My Walmart Trip — Narration by A Shopping Cart
Why can’t men handle a rack?
Hey There,
Welcome to Walmart. I am your shopping assistant for your grocery pleasures.
WTF, dude!
Why do you have to be so macho all the time? Whether it’s unhooking a woman’s bra or pulling me from one, why can’t men handle a rack?
See how easy it was to slip it out? Let’s go then.
BTW, aren’t you forgetting something? Unless that ugly kid is not yours. He is, is he not? I figured.
No, no, no. What do you think you are doing? I am no stroller, mister. I am in no mood for sniffing your kid’s butthole. Don’t do…. dhum!
Woah! He is heavy. What did you feed him? A hippo?!
Why did you have to bring him? Oh, the madam wanted some “alone” time! What does she do anyway?
You seem upset. You fought with her, didn’t you? I get it. You did not want to come, and she was like, you never want to help with chores. Blah, blah, blah.
Same old shit. Fuck it!
Want to go to the beer aisle first? I saw the staff putting on some new stuff on display earlier today. I am also hot and can use some chill.
No? Why not?
Oh! She will go more yada, yada, yada about your fucking drinking problem. I feel you, man. Let us go and buy her grocery crap then.
Alright. That was a good round. You got eggs, vegetables, fruits, bread.
Do you want to give another thought to beer? Yeah?! That’s the spirit, man. Let’s get you some chips and Doritos too.
Hang on! What’s that? Strawberry-flavor-what-ugh-gross! What are you, twenty-five? And lose that grin.
Wait!
Is that why you were singing tonight’s going to be a good night? Sick, you fucking make me sick.
Watch it!
I know you are excited, but you almost rammed me into another cart. That’s not cool, man. And can you at least pick up this little guy? He just showered a vile fume off his ass, and it is just disgusting.
Thanks for taking his ass down, man.
No, don’t leave me alone with him. Where are you going?
Hey, kiddo. I am your shopping cart. No, not the go-cart but a shopping cart. Oh, shoot! Don’t you dare do what you think?
Hello! Dude! This monkey is taking me for a ride, man. Help. Anyone?
Phew! That was What? Why are you heading to billing? I was kidding. I thought we were having fun.
Okay, okay. I get it. You have to go back.
C’mon, dude! Don’t abandon me in the parking lot like a stray. At least have the decency to return me to the corral.
Fuck you, prick! You forgot the milk, you know. Good luck with that.
Strawberry flavor my ass.
