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TIA AND DAN SERIES | HUMOR | FICTION

She Dumped Him For His Brother

How would he respond?

Photo licensed under adobe stock image

Dear Dan,

There is no easy way to say this so I will be out with it.

I am leaving you. I have been nothing but a good wife for 20 years, and I have nothing to show for it. But the last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called me last week to say you quit your job out of the blue. On our wedding anniversary, I got a new hairdo, cooked your favorite dish, and wore a new nightgown.

But you did not notice anything, ate in two minutes and went to watch your daily TV soap.

You stopped saying “I love you” to me and don’t want to do anything that connects a husband and a wife. You either don’t love me anymore or are cheating on me.

Whatever it is, I can’t do this anymore. I am gone.

Have a good life.

Your Ex-Wife,

Tia

P.S. — Don’t try to find me. I am moving to Australia with your brother.

Dear Tia,

Your email made my day. It’s true we have been married for twenty years and a good woman is the last thing you have been in that time.

I watched the daily TV soaps to escape your whining. Too bad it didn’t work anymore because your yelling got louder than maximum volume on my TV.

My father raised me good and told me to keep silent if I have nothing nice to say. I did notice your new hairdo but didn’t say anything because you looked like a cartoon.

When you cooked my favorite dish, you must have confused me with my brother because I haven’t eaten seafood in the last ten years.

I turned away from you after seeing in your nightgown because I noticed the $200 price tag still on it. I so wished it wasn’t the case but couldn’t ignore the coincidence that my brother had borrowed $200 from me that morning.

Even after all of this, I felt we could work it out. So, when I won the $20 million lotto last week, I quit my job and bought ourselves tickets for a Euro trip for us. But when I got home, you were gone and I saw your email.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you get a fulfilling life you always wanted.

Your Ex-Husband

Dan

Wealthy, happy as hell and free!

P.S. — My lawyer has looked at your email and confirmed that it is sufficient to ensure that you don’t get a single dollar from me.

P.P.S. — Did I ever tell you that my brother Carl was born as Carla? I hope that’s not a problem. 😉

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