An Apology from our CEO, Cthulhu
Team –
I want to convey my profound apologies for the way I handled the layoffs last week.
It has become clear to me, after the news stories and the viral memes and the picketing of our Head Office and, indeed, every one of our branches in the corporeal realm, that I failed to show the appropriate amount of respect and appreciation for those cosmic entities being terminated last Tuesday.
In retrospect, the decision to use Zoom for the termination was regrettable. And not only because I had failed to take into account that restricting the ability for colleagues to record my announcement via Zoom itself did not mean that some would take recordings off screen via their smartphones.
When dealing with multi-form and, crucially, multi-limbed entities, it would be a mistake not to anticipate that an iPhone might well be artfully concealed. As, indeed, was the case here. Or cases, as perhaps I ought to say.
I own the decision to reduce the size of our realm, most especially given the very real pressure on the Great Old Ones from the corporeal evils manifesting themselves all too successfully in the real world these days. It remains the case that, while politicians are outdoing us at every turn, any Great Old One not putting in more than the required 100% ought to be rightfully reconsidering their occupation.
Nonetheless, I blundered the execution and, for this, I am profoundly sorry. These current news stories distract from our successful mission to increase the popularity of Evil From the Dawn of Time and its associated activities. I very much need your focus, dedication, and expertise in this vital work and I apologise for any sense in which you may feel embarrassed by the way this has played out.
We will talk more at our upcoming All Tentacles meeting about what to expect for the year ahead.
In the meantime, I’ll be taking time to stand back from our work and reflect on the ways in which I can provide stronger leadership in future.
On reflection, I feel it might very well have been best to take the discorporation option.
Either that or just annihilate the lazy buggers.
Thank you,
Cthulhu
