LET’S THROW A PITY PARTY
Are You a Desperate Writer? Boy, Do I Have a Deal for You!
You’re the one they lowered the bar for — no offence
Attention all you starving artists, keyboard warriors, and wannabe Hemingways! Are you tired of getting paid less than the guy who wears that stupid hotdog costume? Well, have I got news for you — now your literary brilliance can earn you enough to flush the toilet without having to scoop water out of the bathtub!
Introducing Koala Quill, the revolutionary platform that turns your crippling self-doubt and procrastination into cold, hard cash. Because nothing says “serious writer” like betting on your pathetic ability to string meaningless sentences together.
Here’s how it works: You make a tiny wager betting that you can actually sit down and write something — anything — for a few days straight. If you manage to overcome your existential dread and tap out a few words, congratulations! You can now afford a second pack of expired ramen.
But when you fail miserably (because stalking your ex was sooo much more important), your hard-earned money goes to the other desperate souls who managed to write “The fat cat sat on the mat” for five consecutive days. It’s like an emotional support group — but instead of actual support…
