Dan’s Obsession With the Exploits of Hollywood Doughy Guys From Times Past Might Be Useful After All

Or … how you learned of Ernest Borgnine’s Dutch Oven

This file is a work of a sailor or employee of the U.S. Navy, taken or made as part of that person’s official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, it is in the public domain in the United States. Dutch oven not pictured.

Daniel was, by his own admission, obsessed with the trivial stirred into the profane.
It didn’t matter if we had never heard of the guys, or their stories.
(And it was always guys; we’d see the photos on his phone and they all looked the same,
Monochromatic and doughy. “Daniel’s Doughy Guys” we’d say. But that was never the least appealing thing about them).
He’d regale us with their exploits over a pint or six.
About Ernest Borgnine’s Dutch Oven and how it had led to his divorce,
(Look it up, if you dare — then imagine your head stuck under there),
About Peter Graves and the University of Minnesota
(More trivial than trivial, this one; Dan just seemed to like the sound of the words. Over and over),
And about Milton Berle’s Prodigious Junk.
How Berle had (allegedly) got it out over lunch one time,
And not said a word about it all the way through the meal.
If Dan’s intention was to turn us right off the thought of ever finding out any more about these guys
He was doing well.
Really well.
With his Jack Bennys and his Chico Marxes and his Tony Curtises and the rest.
But there was a benefit.
‘cos it turns out the doughy guys of the past and their profane activities
Make for banging band names.
This Friday, come hear the debut set from Ernest Borgnine’s Dutch Oven
And next week we’ll follow it up with Milton Berle’s Prodigious Junk.
If we stand Dan a few more pints, perhaps he’ll start writing the song titles, too.