Letter from a 14-year-old living in the People’s state of Alabama
Dear Fearless Leader
Jake’s letter to D Trump (Mama helped some)
Eldridge, AL, January 6, 2030
Dear Fearless Leader:
Since your reign of the Americas began in that glorious ’24, nothing was the same. In just a few years you gave back the country to its Right-full owners, the people. Our family saluted your victory with a week of cheers, beers, and shotgun blasts. Dad was drunk for two, after the marvelous demonstration of power you had on Capitol Hill. Yes, congressmen died during your peaceful take-over, but they were the democratic vermin that poisoned this country for decades, sucking its blood dry and selling it to the EU for cheap! You were always right.
In school we are studying your stellar discourse you held back in 2026, in front of the entire assembly of the Representatives of Unites Peoples States of America. It was stellar. You had just received your degree in genomics after only 6 months of schooling, of course, after doing virology in only 3 months, biology in 4, and surgery in 2. Talk about wisdom and power. All my friends want to follow the same steps you did when ready. We will all join the Facebook Academy of Health and Science but I am not aiming to become a doctor like you, but a scientist. I vividly remember the Flat Earth demonstration you did in front of those morons from MIT back in 2025. You left them speechless! You demonstrated science does not need a degree but common sense and a lot of thinking.
I want to become a scientist because I am preoccupied with the education and care my siblings receive. Since our State was the first to proclaim them living beings, even though they are just embryos, I am constantly taking steps to help them achieve their full potential. We take them out every day for a stroll in the tiny little park we have next to our house. I know it sounds ridiculous to carry a steel nitrogen tank together with the compressor and the power generator required to keep them comfortable and alive, but they need to take some fresh air from time to time and while they do that, they might also enjoy the view.
A week ago on Monday, I took them to school with me, for the show-and-tell session. Dad and I made a small hollow glass dome on top of a solid steel base, in which we created a small city, with houses, trees, streets, lights, and parks. Of course, the parks have slides and swings so my brothers and sisters can play when they don’t attend class in school. Mom suggested making it a winter scene, even if outside we constantly have 98 degrees for the last few years, but that is nature doing its warming, not us as some subversive idiots comment online.
It was a blast and at some point, we saw some swings moving while the thing was on display in school, most probably because my siblings were having fun in there at -625 degrees. So I won the contest for originality and wisdom, where the prize was this letter I am writing.
So thank you so much for your wisdom and care for us. Please don’t stop Making the Peoples States of America Great Again.
With Respect,
Jake
