FIGHT AGAINST THE BITE
Don’t Slap ’Em, Trap ‘Em
Move your mosquitoes
A droning fills the summer air as millions of little vampires seek out their true loves. The objects of their affection cower behind mosquito netting, but love finds a way. It sucks.
A bite here, a nip there can be unwanted. But have a heart guys, trap ’em — don’t slap ’em when the mosquitoes land. These little babies have been maligned. Sure they suck up blood, carry diseases and reproduce like mad. But keep in mind that people also suck up resources, carry diseases and spread all over too.
No one is proposing to exterminate us.
The nature shows on TV can give us hope and inspiration.
They demonstrate how unwanted wildlife can be trapped and relocated to new habitats. These areas have sufficient food, water and shelter for survival. Why not spread humanitarian goodwill to insects, they’re a vital part of our ecology. No need to call a professional when you can do it yourself.
The best way to trap mosquitoes is to use bait. Don’t worry, there’s plenty available — it’s us. A few of the more aggressive buggers will always pick up our scent. But the best bait has type O blood, so make sure those folks are around and showing plenty of skin. It helps if they’re also sweaty and breathy to increase their allure.
You can catch these mosquitoes by hand or by net.
The hand method requires more speed and better timing. The goal is to catch them before they bite you and before it flies away.
A variation of the hand trap method is to catch the mosquitoes in flight much as you would a lightning bug. Try to cup your hands rather than clap them with this method. Hand trapping usually yields low success rates and some discomfort for you and the mosquito.
A butterfly net yields a much better capture rate with less chance of escape. Spiders actually invented the concept of a net — but they call it a web, sticky and strong. If you add a couple of spiders into your net and let them go to work, the mesh and web combination can increase your haul of mosquitoes. Don’t forget to kill the nasty spider, if not you’ll trade one bite for another.
Simply swing it all around you at dusk and you’ll capture many mosquitoes and stares from onlookers. Some people may even come over to see what you dump in your collector’s pail before they run away in shock.
But others will join the cause and grab their butterfly nets. Numbers make a difference and a voluntary army could capture and relocate many more mosquitoes. Whole neighborhoods could become exclusion zones.
When labor is tight, commercial traps are available but it’s hard to select the best ones.
Advertising and packaging can be misleading. Some products claim to trap mosquitoes when all they really do is zap ’em. Others are truer to their word, they use adhesive to trap the insects and it works. However, when it’s time to release sometimes only the bodies come free. Ouch! At least they won’t get a leg up on you.
While night is the best time to catch them, early morning is the best time to move mosquitoes. That’s when they’re stuffed and drowsy. No need to move them long distances, just a few miles will do to ensure there’s a no-refund policy and the mosquitoes can’t be returned to sender.
Stealth is best for relocation.
Don’t use unmarked vans as those always seem creepy, often containing kidnap victims or law enforcement inside. Instead, paste a large image of a mosquito on the van and some vague hint that it might belong to exterminators. Same goes for the relocators. Polos with the image of a mosquito feasting and the words “bug off” can allay suspicion.
Make sure there’s plenty of food and water available at the mosquitoes’ new home. Perhaps a crowded neighborhood with stagnant water in the pools, ponds and bird baths. A blood bank there would make it heavenly. Your mosquitoes would be happy and not likely to return home.
But if all this fails, just wave your arms wildly about and shout to all who will listen “Get OFF!”
