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HOLY COW. HOLY COW? HOLY COW!

Driving in India is a Fiesta

Where there’s a honk, there’s a way

Yup! Looks exactly like this — Photo by azmeyart-design on Pixabay

Every driver in India needs three things. Good horn, good brakes, good luck.

Driving in India is single-minded pursuit — point in the intended direction and keep going. Don’t bother about rules and lanes, nobody does.

Passing

To pass the vehicle in front of you, overtake from anywhere you can find a space. Left or right, it doesn’t matter. As long as you trust your instincts, you have the right of way.

Honking & Boinking

Honking is not considered rude. On the contrary, horns are the only way to let other drivers know you exist. It is a form of communication to express frustration, rage, and romance.

If you are lucky, honking may lead to boinking.

Traffic lights

Traffic lights are for display like the Mona Lisa. You either get frozen in time staring at them for hours OR you don’t care about their majesty and decide to ignore their beauty.

One-way streets

One-way streets are not meant to be taken literally. You can drive in both directions, but not at the same time. If you are fussy, use the reverse gear and GO!

Night driving

Driving at night can be electrifying.

What you first mistake as a bike is probably a truck with only one headlight on. Pull over to the shoulder or into an adjoining field or whatever. Let the phenomenon pass.

Pedestrians

Pedestrians are the ultimate royalty of Indian roads — dogs, cows, and homo sapiens. Take an eye off the road for a second, and they will appear from out of nowhere.

Holy Cow. Holy Cow? Holy Cow! [Photo by Tho-Ge on Pixabay]

Cops

If you decide to speed, jump lights, or park on the shoulder for claustrophobic humping, you will be caught before you can commit any felony.

Just hand over your wallet, or get your ass ticketed. Posthumously.

Accidents

In the event of a fender bender, there is one rule and one rule only.

Do not get whacked by the other driver first.

You’ll probably have an instant audience, so bring your swearing A-game.

Traffic will halt because crash-gazing is more important than getting to work, to home, or to a blind date. Even a bloody chopper carrying a VIP will change its coordinates.

Nobody wants to miss the spectacle. It’s free entertainment.

Dish, dhooom, dhadak!

Hang on, readers. I’ve got to go. It looks like someone just got rear-ended.

How exciting? An opportunity to upscale my profanities vocab today.

Wait, it’s just the wife slipping in the shower. Never mind.

Even writing about this transported me back home. I totally forgot I am in the States.

Damn!

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Gaurav Jain

Gaurav Jain

I have three TVs, two cars, and one wife.

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