Docugate: The most boring scandal in the history of scandals
FBI Searches Mar-a-Lago for Classified Documents — Again
How many more could there be?
A tip, purportedly from a disgruntled housekeeper who hadn’t been paid for months, brought the FBI back to President Trump’s club to search for even more classified documents.
“This is really too much!” said one investigator. “We found classified documents used as coasters in the bar. We found more being used as scorecards on the golf course.
“The worst indignity was that classified documents about the military were found lining a gold-plated birdcage. It’s an outrage! Military documents covered in bird poop! I never in my life thought I’d see such a thing! And that stupid parrot who lives in the cage, kept yelling “Stop the Steal!” If I wasn’t on a work assignment, I would have shot it.”
The staff tried to placate the investigators by serving them lunch as they worked. It backfired when they saw that the napkin holders in the dining room were covered in decoupaged communications from U.S. allies.
One investigator was said to be so disheartened by the situation that he immediately returned to D.C. to tender his resignation. He was overheard muttering, “There is no dignity in government service anymore.”
President Trump has stated that none of the documents found were original classified documents. “They’re fakes, like copies. I would never use originals for coasters. But you’ve got to admit, the copies make for a great gimmick. This is the presidential golf club and we don’t want people to forget it.”
Trump is between lawyers right now but vowed he will soon have the best lawyers suing the FBI for disrupting his business.
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